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Facebook To Allow Changes To Privacy Settings If Users Guess Word In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg

Female friends spend a raucous night validating the living shit out of each other, an exhausted sweatshop worker just has to laugh after ... tags: comedyFacebookMark ZuckerbergnewsOnion News NetworkONNsatire

Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

On Star Fix, entertainment insiders say this might be the year Hollywood's favorite leaf, which has appeared in more than 60 films, finally ... tags: Academy AwardscomedyFunnynewsOnion News NetworkONNOscars

Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

The Obama campaign unveils a new strategy urging Americans to keep him in the White House so Sasha and Malia don't have to make new ... tags: comedynewsOnion News NetworkONNsatireThe Onion

Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad says any Mexican who crosses the scorching-hot desert on foot has proved himself worthy of US citizenship. ... tags: comedyimmigrationnewsOnion News NetworkONNsatireThe Onion

Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children

Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in 'Dark Knight Rises,' a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down ... tags: 2012Barack Obamapresidential electionThe Onion

Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball

After another bite of sour fish, Doc struggles to hold down the Jeremy Lin trade, Derrick Rose in a gurney, and the wusses on the Mariners. ... tags: GOOMFLinsanitysportsThe Onion

Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, ... tags: comedyNic CageThe Onion

GOP Introduces New "Mystery Candidate" With Paper Bag Over Head

Republicans will reveal the identity of the Mystery Candidate only after he, or she, wins the election. Aired 11/18/11 Subscribe to The ... tags: comedyelectionGOPprimaryThe Onion

In The Know Panel Analyzes Obama's Furious, Profanity-Filled Rant At Nation

In a special post-speech analysis, panelists discuss what America did to make President Obama so angry he was actually spitting while he ... tags: Barack ObamacomedyPresident ObamaThe Onion

Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

Tyler Perry has signed a 50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers. ... tags: comedyMadeaStar FixstarfixThe OnionTyler Perry

Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

The FDA urges Americans to check out a really weird-looking potato, a suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride, and Syria is ... tags: comedyThe Onion