 SomaCow 151: Consider the Gun Pried
from SomaCow
April 07, 2008
SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Tijuana Flats. Hot damn, people, that is a delicious megajuana burrito, all wet and slathered with queso. I may not be able to type out the remainder of this blog due to cheese on the keys. Nobody said this job was easy. In this hour, we bid adieu to Mr. Charlton Heston, who makes Jack Palance look like Jimmy Stewart, but colorized. Eat my dust, Dennis Miller! At the tender age of 84, a person who many would consider to be THE embodiment of a guy, a man s man, a dude, has shuffled off this mortal coil and gone to defeat Dirty Apes in the afterlife. Farewell, Omega Man. We promise not to eat you. Our discussion of Manly actors bring us to on of my favorite topics: Chins. I am obsessed with the sizes of people s chins (and right so, as I possess 4 of them). We spent a good bit discussing many of the obvious chins, including The Leno, The Campbell, and This Guy: I haven t seen a chin that big since Thunder saw that Lo-Pan was dead! (IN YOUR FACE, DENNIS MILLER!) We discussed the reason for the modern goatee - I frankly am positive it stems from Chin Envy, as a plethora of Generation X, Y, and Z-ers awoke to find their chins universally weak, and flabby. Beard compensation is fine, but as a guy, you really just need to start working out your jaw. Take a few punches every now and then, and jut that sucker out whenever possible. Continuing in the vein of all things 80 s and manly, we somehow got on the topic of G.I. Joe, which is set to release soon as a live action film. I sincerely hope it is not another Chipmunks style rework. Some people claim that all of these films, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman They are all an effort to cash in on our attachment to products from our childhood, prying dollars away from us by tugging on our under-nourished inner child. That being said, I am considering changing the logo for the show: I think that the systematic rape of our collective childhood memories might be partly true, but I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that Hollywood has been run by retarded committees and focus groups for the last two decades, and would not know how to shoot an original idea if slapped in the face with one. In any case, I am still interested in working for Cobra, so, if you know anyone in ARB Co. HR, put in a good word for me! Our discussion of bad aim also took us to Star Trek, and Star Wars, and thankfully, J extracted us from our Nerd Death Spiral with a Newsbomb at the :20 - Stop by and check it out! We discussed the Olympic Shenanigans in London this weekend, and the question I have for you is this: Isn t participation IN the Olympics, the free spreading of ideas, the intermingling of crowds, and the general positive vibe of the game what spreads goodwill around the world? Can we agree that the only way to overcome the situation between China and Tibet is for the People of China to decide to do what is right? I mean, there are two BILLION chinamen Are YOU going to tell them to stop making all that racket? Screw the Ice Caps, imagine what would happen if every Chinese person in the world spat in the ocean Probably better that you do not. In movie news, we were sorry to see Clooney s latest flick doing ho-hum for its opening weekend. George is just an all around class act, and we wish nothing but success for the guy. It s been said that he is the last real Hollywood Leading Male, and I completely agree. Mickey and J say the flop was purely born out of a timing issue, and I think I agree. We rounded out the hour discussing 21, which was the #1 movie this week, which led us to discussing gambling. What is your favorite game, and do you have a system that actually worked for you? I read on roulette for an entire year before I realized that my brilliant plan existed, and would fail, even on a single zero European Style table. By the way, peoples - Time is Almost Up. It s Your Last Chance for Pie. By Pie, I mean your last chance to win the SomaCow Media, Inc. iTouch media player, which we are giving away, FOR FREESIES. Just hit the test, answer the questions correctly, and your name will be in that hat for next week s cutoff date. I want to give it to you. I cannot wait to give it to you. But I cannot give it to you if you do not enter to WIN the damn thing! Good luck, and Cannonballs. By the way J has 720 on MAME Just saying. And for our great music this week: TheStart - Wartime Dirt Poor Robins - Teach Me How Big Engine - Juggernaut (Built for Speed)
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