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You know what I hate Boomers? Bicyclists. I know that might be an unpopular sentiment, but I find them all so smug. Like they're saving the planet and I'm a big lame polluter. Well, one of these days, either accidentally or on purpose, I'm sure I'll run one of them down, and then who'll be the smug one?

The question on my mind today is, would I be happier now if I had listened to my father years ago? When he told me to forget this comedy thing and go own a McDonald's franchise? I'm sure I would have hated every minute of the last thirty years, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be much happier now, at this point in my life. What about you Boomers? Should you have listened to your parents, or are you happier having followed your dreams?

Boomers, what's your philosophy on life? Are you a "play it like it lays" kind of person, or do you only get satisfaction when you are in complete control of a situation. I want to know your philosophies, boomers, so put your thinking caps on and get back to me in the comments. As for me, well, watch and find out!

Today's episode of The Boomer File pays tribute to the late, great George Carlin. No jokes today (except for Carlin's), just an honest appreciation of one of the funniest and truest voices of our times. George Carlin 1937 - 2008

Boomers, I have a confession to make. Now, I love Barack Obama, I really do think he's a beacon of hope in these dark times. That said, there is no way I want him to be the next president. No, I'm putting my support directly behind John McCain. And do you know why? Because Obama simply isn't funny. I mean, sure Obama can get the US out of the war, fix the economy and bring about universal health care, but what will the late night talk shows do. They can't make fun of him. He's not funny. McCain? Now he's funny. John McCain in '08!

Boomers, my daughter is leaving the nest, and it's stirring up all sorts of feelings. Grief, loss, anguish, and most of all fear. Fear of what the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman and I are going to do with ourselves as we ponder the rest of our lives together. I shudder to think. It also makes me look back (in anger) at the day my own father pushed me out of the nest and whispered one word: "Fly."

I think it's pretty clear that as people age, they have less patience for new technological innovations. My father was a salesman, and I remember showing him my first car phone, thinking that such a thing would be very useful for his business. But no, all it impressed on him was that I was a no good big shot. I never heard the end of it. But it got me thinking, what would he think of things we take for granted today if he was around when they were first invented?

Boomers, I read recently that nude vacations, or "nakations" are surging in popularity. Apparently, nudism is the great equalizer; free of the sociological trappings of clothes, people are better able to relate to one another. I guess I can see that, but the problem I have with nudists is that most of them aren't very attractive. And neither am I. Just kidding, but I recently figured out the cost of a nakation with the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman. $135,000. Each. $5000 for the nude cruise, and $130,000 each for the pre-trip plastic surgery.

This Sunday is Father's Day Boomers, and while we all know it's just another holiday dreamed up by the likes of Hallmark Cards, it's still nice to get a little appreciation. However, my kids take the opportunity not to celebrate me, but to critique my parenting skills. They even make up their own report cards for me. I guess some people might find that cute. It's not.

Today's episode of the Boomer File goes out to Hillary Clinton. We're sorry to hear you've finally dropped out of the race for the nomination, but we've got some ideas for you. Why not come to Canada and run for Prime Minister? We've already had a female PM, so that whole sexism thing is a non-issue. Plus, there's no telling how long you could hold onto power? Mackenzie King was in office for a total of 21 years, and we'd love to have you for even longer. Stay strong, Hillary, and consider our offer.

I know Boomers, you're scared I'm going all necrophiliac on you, but what I'm really talking about is what happens after your spouse dies. Will you mourn forever, or pick out a new bride in a few weeks? I've heard that in some cases, the dying spouse actually recommends his or her own replacement. I don't know if that would work for me. If I'm dying, the last thing I want to think about is setting up the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman with a new man. I guess I'd be ok with it if she went first, but knowing her she'd make an unsettling choice for my future wife.

Did anyone catch Chris Matthews' smackdown of conservative talk show host Kevin James the other week. It was magnificent. Matthews kept asking James what Neville Chamberlin did that was so offensive, and the poor pundit couldn't answer to save his life. It got me thinking, wouldn't it be great if we all had a television forum to air our grievances? Take a look at what we think it would be like.

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and it's true Boomers. But you do have to be careful there are no side effects. As my uncle Sam found out, there are far fewer adverse reactions with a good Marx Brothers film than something from the Pauly Shore ouevre.

It seems that everywhere I look, my friends are getting younger. Oh no, it's just cosmetic surgery. I know we all want to look our best, but don't some people take it a bit too far? Watch my take on the issue, and then let me know yours in the comments below!

Introducing a new segment on the Boomer File - Bird Day! Every so often we'll flip the bird to someone who really deserves it. Our first victim? Former Clinton campaign member Geraldine Ferraro. Now, I'm sure you remember a few months ago she resigned after saying Barack Obama has only succeeded thus far because of the colour of his skin. But that's not why we're flipping her the bird. Why then? Watch and find out!

Media baron Moses Znaimer told me recently that Baby Boomers have infantilised their children. We had it hard, Boomers, and we've made every effort to make life easier for our own kids. But sometimes I think we've pushed it a bit too far, and that our children will never be able to survive in the real world. Do you baby your kids, Boomers?

Laws are a good thing. Of course they are, they provide the backbone of our society, and set out consequences for terrible acts. But there are laws on the books around the world that are so outdated, offensive or downright ridiculous that it boggles the mind. Take a look and see for yourself.

Boomers, I was thinking, and then I lost the thought. And then I was thinking, this happens to me all the time. When the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman and I argue, five minutes into the fight, we've forgotten what we were arguing about in the first place. But still the argument keeps going. Does this happen to you? Don't forget to let me know.

Boomers, does this happen to you? You're thinking of something you've got to do, or a witty remark to save for later, and it just slips your mind completely? I lose entire days sometimes. When I fight with the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman, after a few minutes we forget what it is we started fighting about in the first place. But the argument doesn't stop there, because we've already worked ourselves up into a heated rage. I'll see you later Boomers. Don't forget to come back.

Boomers, we need to talk about this whole polygamist mess going on down in San Angelo Texas. Hundreds of children have been removed from the Yearning for Zion sect and taken to the state fair. Sounds like a good deal to me. I have to admit, I don't understand this whole polygamy thing. I've had enough problems with the Dreaded Mrs. Frohman, I can't imagine what life would be like with two or three more wives. What do you think?

You know Boomers, I was thinking. If there's one thing missing in my life, it's kinky sex. I never got into whips and chains and ball gags and threesomes. It got me pretty down. But then I got to thinking, what would a Baby Boomer threesome actually be like? Or a Baby Boomer dominatrix. After careful consideration, I've decided that at my age, I think I've missed the boat on kinky sex.

Vice President Dick Cheney recently responded to questions about the American public's disapproval of the Iraq war with a blunt "So?" "So?" Are you serious? Is this really how the US government responds to the views of the vast majority of the population? Come on now, Dick. Government gets its mandate from the will of the people. Its response should never be a derisive "So?"

Vice President Dick Cheney recently responded to questions about the American public's disapproval of the Iraq war with a blunt "So?" "So?" Are you serious? Is this really how the US government responds to the views of the vast majority of the population? Come on now, Dick. Government gets its mandate from the will of the people. Its response should never be a derisive "So?"

Boomers, when you listen to your favourite records or a song on the radio, what affects you more, the music or the lyrics. It's the age old question, isn't it? These days it seems that the music takes a back seat to the lyrics, but what's wrong with that? The music should serve the story that the lyrics tell. Do you agree?

How was your weekend, Boomers? Mine was wonderful, except for some things I saw on TV that drove me up the wall. Where does Don Cherry order those ridiculous suits from anyway? And why does CNN see the need to broadcast Rev. Wright's speeches live? What are your thoughs, Boomers?

With my new Web 2.0 presence, it seemed I should get involved in this social networking thing everyone's always talking about. Sites like MySpace and Facebook are big business, but do I really need to know what Brian Goldmann is up to these days? If I haven't had the urge to see him in the last 30 years, why should I care now? Those sites aren't for me, but the new Get Back Media just might be.

You know, everyone talks about anger and rage as if they're bad things. Not so, I say. I find I need a bit of rage just to get through the day without losing it entirely. Tell me Boomers, have you got your anger managed, or do you prefer to let it run free?

Today's edition of The Boomer File takes us back to the endless summers of camp in the 1960s. Free love reigned over all, but summer camp was still a safe haven from the influence of the sexual revolution. How did one camp owner keep teenage hormones under control? By dividing the boys and girls camps right down the middle with a giant boulder.

"And that's the way it is." Awfully depressing way to end a newscast, isn't it Boomers? But Walter Cronkite and other news anchors have some of the bleakest signoffs you've ever heard. That reminds me, I need a good signoff, something that doesn't bring you down like these famous newsmen. but that keeps you coming back for more.

The very first Boomer File defines who Baby Boomers are, how we are perceived by the world at large, and what the future holds for us. Baby Boomers are a major market force, yet the only time advertisers talk to us it's about our sexual dysfunctions. We're getting older, it's true, but is it also true that many Boomers don't intend to die? Welcome to the Boomer File.