Defiant Videos

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Today we are going to discuss a very powerful technique which will help you when your ODD child is angry and tensions in the house are very high. This is something that is not just a parenting tip, but it is also useful in a person s entire life as well. I first learned this when I was an intern in surgery at the University of Cincinnati and learned this from the senior resident. The idea is that when tensions are high and people are excited, the most important thing that you can do to keep control is to speak very slowly and speak softly. What this does is it lowers the level of tension in the room. I learned this when I was a resident, but I have also seen several references to this since then. One example was in a letter to his son over 800 years ago. Another example is in the bible from King Solomon in proverbs. So this is an idea that has been used throughout the ages. It is a well know idea and is very useful. What you, as a parent, can do with this is keep calm by lowering your voice and this will then calm down your excited child. Speaking slowly and softly during fights and arguments with your children will also lower tension in your home. This technique works well with oppositional defiant disorder children and teens. It works very well and is very effective. This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for your today. If you would like more tips or sign up for our free newsletter, please visit our website at www.ccparenting.com

Today we are going to discuss the importance of being able to redirect your oppositional defiant disorder child s behavior. Now many times our children do things that we do not like and we want them to stop doing it and tell them to stop doing it. The problem is that this technique does not work. It does not work because children, especially ODD or ADHD children, need to be told what else to do and not to stop doing what they are doing. Children need to be given a redirection. For example, if a child is doing something that bothers you and you just tell her to stop doing it she will not know what else to do instead. It would certainly be more effective if your told your child to not do this, but do this instead. This will help your child to change directions. It will also make it easier for your child to comply. Another great thing it will do is it will also bring down a lot of the tension in the house. What I recommend parents to do is to have a list of things that your child likes to do, especially if your child is ODD or ADHD. You can either remember this list of things or better yet, write them down in a convenient location. The benefit to writing down what your child likes to do is that it will be a quick reference to help you replace the negative behavior when needed. Let s say for example that you are trying to talk on the phone and your defiant child is banging on something near to you. My own kid s liked to bang on pots when they were very small. If you redirect the child and say don t bang on the pots, come over here and play with this toy. This gives them something else to do. It makes it much easier to redirect the child and lets the child change direction very easily. So the idea is that when your defiant child is doing something wrong, give her another choice which she finds equally or more appealing. This will allow you as the parent to choose the behavior of your child. This way you are not screaming or scolding your ODD child all the time. Instead you, the parent, are redirecting your defiant child to a better behavior. You are giving your child a different direction to go in. Avoiding battles makes it a lot easier to be a parent. This is one of the ways of doing it. So the idea is to redirect your child and give her something else to do instead of the bad behavior. This is the best way to avoid battles, conflicts, and scolding. Your house will be a much better place to live. This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for your today. If you would like more tips or sign up for our free newsletter, please visit our website at www.ccparenting.com

Today we are going to discuss the idea of showing your oppositional defiant disorder child love. This is actually a mistake that parents make, thinking that they are showing their children love. I will explain what I mean by that. When our children are very infants and small babies, we do a lot to protect them from harm and from damaging themselves because they just lack understanding. The problem happens when children get older we, as parents, tend to continue protecting our children from the mistakes that they make. As a result, what happens is our children become sheltered and it can become a problem in that your children will never learn to take responsibility for their actions. The proper way to show that you really love your child is to help them become a healthy, normal, and well functioning teenager and then adult. Unfortunately, this requires your children to make mistakes and then take responsibility for those mistakes. Your children should learn to suffer the consequences of their mistakes. We cannot keep sheltering our children as they get older. Our children have to learn to grow up, move on, and take care of themselves. They will not do this if we, as parents, pick up all of their mistakes and protect their actions. It is a mistake that all parents can make. What you want to do is show your children responsible love. Teach your children that if they do something wrong that they have to pay the consequences. Mistakes have consequences. The best way for your child or anyone to learn from something is to make a mistake or do something wrong and feel the pain of the consequences. So this goes for small children as well as older children and teenagers too. When your child is older, the consequences tend to be more severe. So for example, if your child is stealing, one of the worst things that you can do is to protect them from the police. Do not protect your children from their actions of stealing because they will never learn that stealing has very painful consequences. On the other hand, if you really love your children and want what is best for them, if they do something very very wrong and you let them face the consequences themselves, they will learn that bad things have bad consequences. By doing this, your children will learn that punishments are serious and that the world is a serious place. They will learn that if you do not behave yourself, bad things can happen to you. Now it is counter-intuitive, because we want to protect our children. But sometimes protecting our children too much can be really detrimental for them. So it is a hard lesson that we as parents have to learn. We have to break away from protecting our children and change our whole way of thinking. We have to let our children suffer their mistakes so that when they get older, they will learn to be much more careful and not make these mistakes, especially when the mistakes have serious consequences. Because a child who gets into trouble at 15 years old is going to be in a different situation then a child who gets into trouble at 19 years of age. If a parent protects a child at age 15, that parent will protect their child at age 19 too. You, as the parent, do not want that to happen. This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for your today. If you would like more tips or sign up for our free newsletter, please visit our website at www.ccparenting.com

Today we are going to discuss a very interesting technique that will help you reduce the level of anger in your ODD children. I would like to say right now, when you can apply it, it is 100% effective. I will explain to you why that is.We all know that emotions affect the body. Meaning a person who is upset or angry has a faster pulse, higher blood pressure, there are physiological changes in the body because of emotions.What many people do not realize is that it goes the other way too. You can actually control your emotions by changing your body. This very important and very powerful because a lot of us cannot control our emotions very well, but we all have complete control over what our body does.This is how you can use this idea. What you can do if your child is upset, angry, fighting, or making an angry face, take a pen and give it to your child. Have your child put the pen in his mouth sideways so that he bites down and the pen forces a smile on his face.When a person is smiling, it is physiologically impossible to continue to be angry. So as long as your child has a pen in his mouth and if he keeps it in long enough, he stops being angry.Again, it is physiologically impossible to be angry when you are smiling. Smiling will force a person s emotions to get out of anger and will work every time, providing that you can have your child do it.This technique was really developed to work best in the car when siblings are fighting and won t stop. Have both children bite down on pens until the end of the car ride and by that time they should both be laughing and not fighting.Again, this is a great technique when you can use it. This technique is 100% effective. It shows parents a good principle that you can control the body to change the emotions. This is one example of many to change your child s body physiologically. Your children will have fun and it will work.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For great parenting tips log on to www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter. At our site, you will learn the one word that will help you win battles with your ODD child or ODD teenager.

Today we are going to discuss how you give recognition to your child to get him to change his behavior. This is a very important idea to understand, that change is very, very hard to do. What you have to do as a parent, is notice and acknowledge the small gains that your child makes. Encourage her along the path that you want her to go. So, for example, let s say your oppositional defiant disorder child has trouble sitting at the dinner table. If you notice that she sits a little bit, then you should acknowledge that and praise her for it. Recognize the small accomplishments with your children because change doesn t happen all at once, it happens gradually. What you do when you notice your child s accomplishments, is you give your child the encouragement to go further and move forward with those accomplishments. It is very important for your children to feel like they are moving forward and making gains in a positive direction. It is important for your children to feel like they are earning your appreciation. This is what your children thrive upon. They thrive on your attention and the fact you notice them and acknowledge them. They need to feel that they are special to you. So, when your defiant child does something that you want, even though it is not the whole of what you want, as long as it is in the right direction, you should praise it, notice it, and make your child feel good about it. This will encourage them to keep on going. Eventually you will get the behavior you are looking for in your ODD or ADHD child or teenager. It is a very important concept. Make sure that you give your children lots of warmth and praise. This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For great parenting tips log on to www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we are going to discuss the number one reason why children, and even teenagers, do not listen to or follow directions. It is very common, so common, especially with ODD, ADHD, and kids with other learning disabilities, to not listen to us as parents. The real reason why they don t listen to us is because they don t understand what we are telling them. They do not understand the instructions they are being given.It is very common with young children because young children have a small attention span. We forget that and give too complicated of instructions to them. Older children also may not follow what you are telling them. So, if you are having trouble with your child not listening to you, misbehaving, not following instructions, and not doing what you asked; the number one reason is that they don t understand what you are telling them. So the first thing that you have to do before anything else happens is make sure that your instructions are clear. Be sure that your oppositional defiant disorder child understands exactly what you are saying. One of the best ways of doing that is to have him or her repeat back to you what you said. Have them say what they are supposed to be doing. Once they say it back to you, you will know they understood. Again, this is a very common problem and parents do not realize that their odd adhd children don t understand and that this is why they are misbehaving. I have seen it time and time again with my own children and with older children also. So you have to be very aware that this is a major problem. This probably really shouldn t be a problem, because it is not your child s fault. Your odd or adhd child just does not understand.You as the parent can take down many of the problems in your house by just making sure that your child understands. Just make sure that the instructions are clear and that your child repeats back the instructions.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For great parenting tips log on to www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we are going to discuss the idea of difficult conversations with your child; meaning, giving correction to your child about his behavior. Now we all hate to be told that we are doing something wrong. Nobody likes it and your child is no different. Your child is going to hate it. It is going to bother him and it is going to be hard to approach him. What I am going to give you today is a technique that will help you ease the tension so that he can actually get the message of what you are talking about. The basic idea is this, the first thing you should do before you get involved in a difficult conversation about a behavior problem that needs to be addressed, is give your child some recognition, praise, and a shot of self-esteem. So for example, let s say that you want to talk about your son s behavior with his younger brother. You can first say, You know, Bobby, you have really been helping out around the house lately, and I really appreciate it and am really proud of you for that and let s talk about your younger brother, what can we do to make things better with you and him? Now, I did two things there. First of all, I acknowledged that he is doing something right, noticed it, appreciated it, and gave him thanks for it. Second, I used the word and to connect it to the problem/topic that I want to get to next.Now, and is a very important word. We have used it many times before, and suggests a connection. If you use but , it negates what we said before, so if I said Bobby you have been great around the house, but your brother is a problem; this negates the fact that Bobby is great around the house. When you use and it eases the transition, so what happens is your child gets the warm self esteem and the appreciation. Now his tension is much lower going into a topic that he feels uncomfortable talking about. It is a very important idea to use this type of technique because it will make the conversation go a lot smoother and be much more productive. So try it out, use it, and let us know it works for you.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For great parenting tips log on to www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we are going to discuss the importance of recognizing your child s accomplishments. What I mean by this is following. Improving behavior is a long process involving many, many steps. It is very important that you recognize and pay attention to what your child does. You, as the parent, need to recognize improvements and give credit for them. You should acknowledge your child s improvements and behavior. This is a great way to encourage your child. Make your child realize that you are paying attention to him. Be certain that your child know that you appreciate his accomplishments. You can even praise your child for his accomplishments.So for example, maybe your child has a problem with eating at the dinner table, but he is improving his behavior. Maybe he is sitting better. You should acknowledge this better behavior and say, Today you sat very well at the table. I m very proud of you. I m really glad you did this today. When you acknowledge your child s behavioral accomplishments many things occur. What happens is that you encourage him to go further. You encourage him and in turn it also builds your relationship with your child.One thing that I always stress, and it is very important, you should compliment your child as much as possible. A general rule of thumb is to give your child at least four or five positive statements for every one criticism that you have given. This will help you to show your child your affection. It will make your child feel better. It will encourage him along to the proper path. Most important, it will help him grow up to be a better child, a better teen, and a better adult. Just remember, this is a process growing up. Your child will not be perfect right away. He will not correct his behavior right away. But if you acknowledge your child s accomplishments and you encourage him along the path, he will eventually get there.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For great parenting tips log on to www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we re going to discuss the importance of the expectations that you have for your child. Children live up to our expectations. All children do this. This means, if your child is being honest and a good boy or a good girl, they will improve their behavior to live up to our expectations. On the other hand, if you feel like your child is basically dishonest, not truthful, has a behavior problem, or has some other things wrong; your child is going to fill your expectations that way also. So it is very important that we have positive expectations for our children.You have to really truly believe that your child can achieve these expectations. I know it is sometimes very hard. You have a child that has been lying and stealing, but if you view the child as honest he will become honest. On the other hand, if he feels that he is being a bad child, or a dishonest child, or a liar, he is going to stay being a liar or worse. It is all because of what you expect from your child and how you view your child.I will tell you a story that I heard. There was a child who was passed around from home to home, and eventually ended up at his grandmother s house. His grandmother was blind. He came home one day with a report card. He was a failure at school all his life. He would receive mostly D s and F s. One day the grandmother asked him what his grades were on his most recent report card. She asked him how he did. So he lied. He told her that he said he got all A s. She can t see. So she believed him. She was so proud of him. She was so happy that he was such a good student. She gave him such positive warmth and attention because of the good grades. He had never received this type of attention from any before. As result of that one interaction, he became a straight A student just because that is what his grandmother expected of him. Again, it is very important to understand our expectations do shape our children s behavior. It has to be real. You have to really view your child as being good and honest. This is how he will become good and honest.If you really believe your child is a liar or is a bad child, then he i going to be a liar and a bad child. It s really up to you.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For more parenting tips please visit www.ccparenting.com. There I will show you the one word that will help you take control of any argument or battle you have with your child.

Today let s discuss the idea of giving your child the proper criticism. Part of your job as a parent is to correct your child. This usually involves criticizing a negative behavior. Obviously, no one likes to be criticized. But, there is a certain technique you can use with your child. This technique will help to minimize the unpleasantness of being criticized. It will make it much more likely for your child to hear what you have to say and then respond appropriately.This technique uses the word AND .What you want to do is find something your child has done well. You then use this as a compliment by pointing it out and noticing your child s one successful behavior. Then you link this good behavior to the topic at hand, the one that you want to discuss. You do this by using the word and . If you use the word and , it is very, very good because it links the two different discussions together. If you use the word but it implies that something negative is coming along afterwards. Instead, you want to use the word and in this case.So I will give you an example. Let s say your child has a problem talking back to you while at home. But your child is doing very well at school. You say, Hey, you know Bobby, I just got a call from your teacher. I hear that you are doing very, very well at school. I am so proud of you. And let us talk about what is happening at home now. You see what you have done? When you have done this, you have already complimented him. You have acknowledged his successful behavior. You have smoothly transitioned into something much more unpleasant for him. This transition makes it much easier to get the discussion open. It makes him much more receptive to what you have to talk about. This is a great approach for you as a parent.Again, this is unfortunate but we have to criticize our children on an occasionally. Hopefully it is only on occasion. But it is the job of a parent to do such a thing. When you use something like the word and to make a transition by connecting something positive with something negative that is happening afterwards that you want to discuss, it eases the difficulty for the child. It is a much more effective way to deal with a difficult child.This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you would like more parenting tips like this, please visit us at www.ccparenting.com and sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we re going to discuss the tool called signaling or using signals with your child. Signaling is a very good tool for a parent to use on a child who has a certain behavior problem. The parent of the child wants to make a change, but just does not know how. Many times a child will get emotionally involved in something. When this happens they tend to raise their voice, they start whining, and they are not really aware of what they are doing. What you as the parent can do is set up a signal for your child. Set up this signal ahead of time. You can use a certain signal that will let your child know that when he is getting out of hand in any way. Your child may begin to talk to loud or she may begin to whine. The key is to have your child pay attention to that behavior when you signal her. For example, you can make a signal of pulling your ear when your child is yelling. You want to be sure that you pick a signal that your child will see. Your child will need to know that you are talking about that specific behavior. By doing this specific signal when she yells, she will know it is time to stop yelling. You as the parent will begin to see that behavior differently. Also, your child will look at what she is doing and begin to pay attention to that problem too. There is a certain advantage to this type of behavior control. First of all, it can be done in public. Many times children, particularly teens, do not want to be embarrassed in front of their friends. So if you have a signal that only your children know, they can understand that their behavior is getting out of hand and stop it immediately. They have to either tone down their voice, they have got to watch their whining, or whatever other problem you re focusing upon. It is a very useful technique for children, particularly a child who wants to have better behavior. Many times children are not aware of what they are doing. Children do not always know that they are behaving inappropriately. If you remind them and let them focus on the behavior, it can take down a lot of the problems. So again, you should try this. This technique is called signaling. You create a signal to have your child be aware that he is going off in the wrong direction with his behavior. You should be aware of your child s behavior in such a way to start it early in the process. This way your child has a chance to catch it early too. Many times children get so emotionally caught up that they cannot understand what they are doing and sometimes cannot stop the behavior. This is especially true if this is not done until they are teens. Teens and adults sometimes cannot help themselves. But if you catch them early enough, signaling can be a very powerful tool to help your child, a child who wants to change, and wants to behave better, actually behave better and be more aware of what he or she is doing. This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. For more parenting tips like this, please visit us at www.ccparenting.com.Sign up for a free newsletter!! You will find the one word that s going to help you control and take control of arguments or battles with your child.

Today we are going to discuss a very difficult issue as a parent, which is enlisting outside help. It is hard for parents. Why is it hard? Because generally we, as parents, want to protect our child from harm, from danger, and keep them out of trouble. When we enlist in outside help we are sort of in our minds doing the opposite. Let s say the child or the teenager is involved in dangerous things, in drugs, or in illegal activities. Our initial response, as a parent, is to protect the child. This is not always in the child s best interest. When a child is under the age of eighteen in our society, he falls under the juvenile court system which means they are basically trying to help the child and to rehabilitate the child and to make him into a proper citizen. If he gets into trouble when he is eighteen or older, it is a different situation entirely. He is now an adult, he is judged as an adult, and it is not a forgiving system. If your child is heading down the wrong path and getting into dangerous activities, criminal activities, dangerous drugs, or even have addictions to drugs or alcohol, this means he is not accepting your authority. You have to enlist another power or someone else s authority that your child is forced to accept. This means getting involved whether it is a medical situation or a judicial situation. Your child cannot get out of and this is for your child s best interest. When a child is young, the system will treat him much nicer than when he is older. If your child is heading down the wrong path, you want to do what you can at the earliest possible age. This is to get him in contact with the consequences of what is going to happen if he misbehaves, especially in a system that has better control over him. As a parent, if you let it go, it could be very disastrous for your child or teenager. It is really in our children s best interest to turn them into the authorities or let the system take effect, but we naturally want to protect our children from the consequences of their actions. This is why it is important to seek outside help, we as parents sometimes cannot make the best decisions. Even though it is against our better nature as parents, it is for the best interest of our troubled child or teen. If they are going in that negative direction, if they are out of control and if they are endangering themselves and endangering others, you have to let the system take over. You have to get your child involved with someone whose authority they cannot escape. It is for your child s own good. It is difficult, I understand but there is no other choice sometimes. It is our job as parents to protect our children. This is how you raise your children properly and give the best possible outcome to the situation. Again, it is not nice, but it is what we have to do as parents. This is Doctor Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you would like some more parenting tips like this, please come to our website at www.ccparenting.com and sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we are going to discuss consequences. We will specifically discuss the purpose of consequences. Most parents, most people get the purpose of consequences wrong. They use consequences as punishments and as a way of discouraging unwanted behavior. Unfortunately negative reinforcements, like consequences, are very poor motivators to change behavior. Consequences do not work that well. That is not really what the purpose of consequences should be used for. What you use consequences and punishments for are two different things. The first is to establish boundaries, because children need to know that there are boundaries, that they have limits, and that the consequences establish the idea of a limit. If your child does one thing, it is okay, but if they go further, it is not okay. If they do this it is fine, but if they do something else they get punished for it. This establishes a boundary upon which they are not allowed to cross. That is one purpose of consequences, to establish boundaries for your child. The other thing you can use consequences for is to motivate a change in behavior. You can do this by motivating positive action and that really depends on how you design the consequence. For example, if your child does something wrong you do not give a time based consequence such as, you can t watch television for six hours; but do give a motivation, action based consequence. For example, you can t watch television until I see for three hours that you do not talk back to me. This will encourage the child not to talk back. If a child is coming home late from school you might say this, you can t play with friends or have friends over until for five days you come home on time from school. This is different than saying or insisting the child wait for a time, such as you can t have friends over for five days. This motivates the child to correct his own behavior. The advantage of that is that your child will get used to doing the proper action. So you will be using consequences to correct the behavior rather than just punish the behavior. This is a great way in which you can get a behavior change from your child or teenager.This is Doctor Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you would like some more parenting tips like this, please come to our website at www.ccparenting.com.Sign up for our free newsletter. Also, you will receive the one word you can use to control any argument you may have to dominate, be in complete control, and get complete respect from your child.

Today we are going to discuss something that is very important for all parents to understand how to do, and that is walking away. What I mean by that is when your child is gearing up for an argument with you, being abusive to you, calling you names, being rude, and being disrespectful. One of the things that parents get sucked into is talking back, fighting back, and arguing back. Parents get stuck in these battles of power and will by arguing with their children instead of just simply walking away. What that does is it elevates you to the child s level. It drops you to the child s level where you are arguing as peers back and forth. This is not appropriate for you and it is bad for your child. It is something you cannot and should not do as a parent. You cannot get sucked into an argument. What you want to do when your child talks to you inappropriately or disrespectfully is say to your child, very clearly, I am not going to accept that behavior from you, I am not going to accept that language from you . Then you turn around and walk away. Do not take two steps and turn back and argue again. You just need to completely disengage and walk away. Go somewhere else and leave the scene of the argument. Your child can not argue with you or talk back to you if you are not there to argue or talk back to. What this does is it establishes that you have certain standards you expect your child to live up to. If your child fails to live up to those standards, you will not engage him anymore in a conversation. You just walk away and walk out of the scene. That really empowers you and gives you much more strength in the relationship with your child. Your child will have no alternative, but to stop arguing. He can yell after you but basically it puts you in power. Power is the position you have to be in because you are the parent. A lot of times we feel that our children are abusing us and disrespecting us, and this is because we let them. We give them the ability to do this to us as parents. We empower them to give them that ability to argue with us by engaging them. When you disengage and you walk away, you are claiming the power back from your child. You, the parent, are in control. You must be in control because that is your role as a parent.

Today we are going to discuss the importance of being firm and clear with your child. I know a lot of parents have problems with this. We all want our children to like us as well as love us. We want to be our children s friend and be buddies with our children. This is really a problem because it is not your job as a parent to be a friend to your child. It is your job to be a parent to your child. Children need to know that you are an authority figure, the authority figure in your house. You, as a parent, have to act that way. Your children need that from you. What you want to do is give firm and clear directions. Do not ask or use an asking voice. Give firm and definitive directions in a firm voice. For example, your rule in the house is that your children cannot watch television until the dishes are cleaned up or until homework is completed. You do not say this to your children, Oh, come on honey please? You know you are supposed to do your homework first before you watch television. What this does is it establishes your child to be on an equal setting with you. You are the parent, so this is very bad for the child. You want to go to your child and say the following, Honey, the rule is no television until the dishes are done. You then turn the television off and you walk away.You can also say this, Honey, the rule is no television until you finish your homework. You then turn the TV off and you walk away. The main thing is that you walk away and do not get involved in conversations, arguments, debates, excuses, or anything else of that nature.You have made a firm, clear, straight statement, then you disengage and walk away. This establishes you as the authority. If a child has ODD, or is a defiant child, he is going to be compelled to respond if you stand around and wait for explanations or for responses. You state your opinion firmly, clearly and do not get involved in power struggles like making sure they make eye contact, make sure they are listening. If it is clear they hear you that is good enough. You just state your opinion and walk away and that maintains you as the authority figure to get what is done. Now it is very important that you use this and have very clear, defined rules, particularly when it comes to house rules that you want to maintain. What time bed time is for your children. When your children can watch television. When they can have treats, snacks, or anything you feel is vitally important to your household running. If you think your children have to obey you should use this type of technique. Be clear, firm, disengage, walk away, and be non-emotional. Do not get stuck in debates or discussions because that will just suck your child in and will put you in a much weaker position as a parent and authority figure.This is Doctor Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you would like to have the one word you can use to control any argument you may have with your child or and put you in the position of power and control, please come to our website at www.ccparenting.com and there you will find that word and you will sign up for our free newsletter.

Today we are going to discuss your child or teen s use of excuses. If you have an ODD child or an ODD teenager, they are full of excuses. They can punch holes in the walls, they can call names, they can be abusive to you and rude to you and disrespect you, but they will always make it somebody else s fault.One of the ways you can put a stop to this is that you have to have some absolute standards.That is the first thing. A good example would be no name calling. Another is that your child or teen must treat you with respect. Other examples would be that they cannot punch holes or cannot break things.Those are absolute standards you set as the authority figure in your house. When your child violates that you do not ask for an explanation or a reason. If you ask for an explanation it is always going to be somebody else s fault.So, when Bobby smashes a hole in the wall, you do not say, Bobby, why did you hit a hole in the wall? He may say one of the excuses, that his sister did this to him, that you did this to him, that his teacher made him angry, or because the dog did this to him.You do not ask for those excuses.You should say, Bobby, you hit a hole in the wall and you get this consequence whatever you have decided beforehand. Do not ask for an explanation and there will be no excuses. The only reason children give excuses are because parents ask for them.What you want to do again is to set standards in your house. What do you think the rules are that cannot be violated? What standards should you set? Examples no name calling, no abuse, no disrespect, no talking back, no breaking things, no breaking other people s things. You, as the parent, must set the rules and the standards that have appropriate logical consequences for these inappropriate behaviors.When your child oversteps these boundaries you do not care why and you do not ask why. Because when your child is older and he is speeding while driving, the police will pull him over. The officer is not going to ask your son why he is speeding. He is going to give your son a ticket. That is the way the world works. When a child or an adult violates something they receive a consequence. No one asks why, because no one really cares why. It is not really relevant why your child was abusive or disrespectful. The issue is he was abusive and disrespectful, so remember do not ask for explanations. Set certain standards and make it clear that everyone understands these standards. Be quick and unemotional when there is a violation of these standards to give the appropriate consequence that was decided on beforehand. Do not get sucked into an argument or explanations.It is not really relevant! Point out what was done wrong, state the consequence, walk away, and detach yourself completely. This will help you take away a lot of these excuses. There really are no excuses for inappropriate behaviors.This is Doctor Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you would like some more parenting tips like this, please come to our website at www.ccparenting.com. Sign up for our free newsletter and there you will get the one word you can use to control any argument you may have with your child or teenager and be in complete control.