SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by the Desert Inn Motel, Bar and Cafe. A veritable oasis of trucker diner food, nestled snugly in the vas deferens of Dear Old Florida. I highly recommend a visit, if you are ever halfway to Miami and suddenly want pie. In this hour, we discussed some select artists in the music industry, a fatty eatventure with me, and ANOTHER fatty eatventure with me! Sometimes, I wonder if the name of this show shouldn t be Let s All Listen to a Fat Guy Hurt His Belt. We opened up the hour discussing SynDown, a favorite side project of mine that I shelved due to lack of time and resources. Don t cry for me, girl in a gasmask wearing dayglo fishnets, because I still enjoy what I do, and will probably pick the project back up once there is time. But in the meantime, I still listen to music, whenever I can. I try not to limit my horizons, and thankfully, working with SomaCow Media affords me an introduction to bands like SOJH, The Guggenheim Grotto, Dirty Wormz, and countless other great acts. We went into a lively discussion about indie artists that are doing it right, like Radiohead and Dolly Parton? You betchore sweet ass, Dolly Parton! Sadly, one of my favorite indie artists released a new AHEM Project, namely Trent Reznor and the digital downloadfest known as Ghosts. Look. I don t want to get into an argument with you. I liked Trent since the second I heard two notes and a lyric from the man. I have followed him from PHM at the Edge, to Broken, to Downward Spiral, along Lost Highway, buried in the DVD for Natural Born Killers, around the back end of The Crow, all over The Fragile, left and right, and everywhere else the man has popped up. The sad fact is that Ghosts is a pantload. A dripping, steamy pantload. I wouldn t play this music for a Haunted House queue. I have listened to it thrice, and it is a giant better run to the bathroom or you are going to stain your shoes PANTLOAD. His last album was a pantload, too. There is no connectivity, no FEATURE, of the album to attach to. It is like staring at a white canvas displayed at the MoMA, and wondering what you are missing. You are missing nothing, and should spend your hard earned money elsewhere. Cathartic though it may have been for Trent, I would humbly ask that he return my money, and take back his moody chamber (pot) music. Mickey says Dolly Parton is better than Trent, and I agree. When I wasn t snorking listlessly to Ghosts, I spent some time in Southern Florida this week, and visited yet again the hole known as Yeehaw Junction. Fascinating back story to this place, if you want to learn more, you can read the Wiki article. I merely would like to comment on the fact that, for a moment, you can almost experience what life was like in the 50s, except without all the segregated drinking fountains and people dying of lockjaw and stuff. You should go, and tell Senora behind the counterina El Geoffy de vaca del soma says Ji . It warmed my heart to see good people getting by doing hard work, but I am no fool. The crush of the burger joints, the lack of civilization (fire up google earth and look around Yeehaw Junction sometime), and the fact that only one other dude and I were the patrons there during lunch leads me to believe that this place is probably hurting a bit, successwise. Sure, they are an official historic battlefield site, but so is J s chair. Anyway, I am not sure what I am saying, other than the fact that everything changes, and that is good, sometimes, but more often, it is not. We also spent some time discussing Rita s, which really is damned good. Thanks again to Chrispy for the heads up. Every time I feel the silent sharp stab of an icepick being forced into my brain, I think of you now! Mickey also had some great service, as he became an 18th century fancy lad and went traipsing about to locate purveyors and proprietors worthy to fix him a cupper tea and repair his fancy watchy watch watch, wot, wot. We decided we will create a section of the site dedicated to businesses that give good service and actually WANT customers. Try and have that up by the next show, and first off we ll have The Olde Cup and Saucer and Mickey s Supposed Watch Shoppe! (aka Professional Jewelry Services 2484 W. Hwy 434 Suite 108 Longwood, FL 32779 407-788-7121 Ask for Armando tell him SomaCow sent you.) Also - don t forget to check out Cookin with Coolio , if you want to kill some time. It ain t Ken Burns, but it ain t bad. J s Penis has a ring. Figure that one out. 4:30 - I don t like Indians. But what we do like are our bands: Stephen Lynch - Little Tiny Moustache Stephen Lynch - Vanilla Ice Cream Straight Outta Junior High - Boner

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by SomaCow! It s our anniversary, and we re glad to celebrate it with you, dear listeners. Thank you to all of you that take the time to comment the blog, write Itunes reviews, vote for us on Podcast Alley, send us mail, donate to the show, subscribe to our feeds, and join us in the Ustream channel each week. It means the world to us, and we only do what we do for the sick ego feeding your attention does provide us. Thanks for that, truthfully! In this, our finest hour, we gave away the free iTouch to a lucky listener, discussed Fair Rides, and Yet Another Way We Will All Surely Die. At last, it was time to give up the goods, and by goods, I mean the SomaCow 8GB iTouch Media Player, which we have been trying to give to a lucky listener for weeks now. The test we set up was grueling, and we thank everyone who participated. Your email addresses are being lovingly expedited to our Chinese Masters, who will surely send you plenty of offers for mortgage enlargements and Nigerian brides. Enjoy, and give all our love to Nboonswa! We launched into a topic of the Fair, which was in town this week here in Orlando. I personally am glad to have NOT attended, as I am a notorious (sucker) gamesman, and frequently (rarely) win the many games of chance made available on the Midway. We talked about one of my favorite small town rides, namely, the Gravitron. What an incredible comic-book like invention, allowing you to feel a momentary burst of super human strength as you cut a swath through terrified attendees, slamming hot dog carts aside and nerf-tossing popcorn machines. Am I confused, or have you ever felt this burst of sudden strength after riding this ride? We asked the question, no, not that question, Where have all the flowers stink gone? It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction of what it once was. Mickey is presumably all for it, as he sees no purpose in stopping to smell the roses when there is plenty work to be done. Check out his Life Coaching at the :40, spanning the topic of Sticking to Your Guns. Peanut Buttery! We have a new producer, Ross, and he gives some great notes, specifically pulling quotes right out as they are said. I think, as a new value added addition to the value our show provides, I am going to pop in some of the better quotes at the end of these blogs. :50 - I m the crazy old guy at the crossroads, shouting, There s Death that way! " Jam to the world coming down to the following dope beats: They Might Be Giants - Ana Ng Against Me! - Sink Florida Sink

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Uncle Jones Nothin Mo Betta BBQ. The entire staff of SomaCow (except Ross, who had a date with a cube steak and his bare hands) invaded this friendly little soul food kitchen and broke bread, then seat, then stomach together in honor of J. There are no bones about it; we spend quite a bit of time discussing J in this hour, and then later we touch on J, followed by quite a lengthy dissertation by Mickey on the subject of J. J likes riddles, and so, I will simply convert this episode s blog to a series of three riddles. See if you are smart enough to come up with the answers. Try not to cheat, you silly little Googlizers! 1) - There are at least ten body parts that are spelled in three letters. Can you name them all? 2) - With pointed fangs it sits in wait, With piercing force it doles out fate, Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might, Eternally joining in a single bite. What am I? 3) - I m a riddle in nine syllables, An elephant, a ponderous house, A melon strolling on two tendrils O red fruit, Ivory, fine timber! The loaf s big with its yeasty rising Money s new minted in this fat purse. I m a means, a stage, a cow in calf. I ve eaten a bag of green apples Boarded the train there s no getting off. So, yeah. Have fun with that! We talked about J, sure, and then did a decent discussion on Mr. John McCain, who seems to need a rage doll. The man just gets into fits, and we are not so sure that is a bad thing. Better to be angry, but smart, than a complete boob. I am still pulling for Mr. Obama, as he is certainly capable of bringing eloquence back into vogue. Just look at that sentence! It REEKS of vocabulary! Hillary? Bitch, please. I hate to relegate such a powerful woman null, but the reality is that her very actions have done that FOR her for the last twenty years. Forget all the republican spewed vitriol about not pleasing her man and knowing her place . I like a strong woman. I just feel that she is duplicitous and does not have the best interest of this nation in her to do list. The woman is avarice personified, and lacks genuine empathy. Or at least, that is what I know for a complete fact, having never met the woman, nor spent any real time in her company. See, that is what I hate about the internet. Four billion yahoos yammering off their fool heads about subjects that they have no idea about. It s sort of beautiful, isn t it? Okay, Heard - We haven t really boiled it down, but - who do you want as President, and why? What is important to you now? The War? The Economy? The Food Prices? Black Preacher Etiquette? Sound off, and get into the discussion. I want to actually participate in this year s election, instead of voting the way my wife s dad tells me to. Let s hear what you think, and maybe elect the better candidate. Time Magazine turns 85, and I am lining up to be the first to pull the m f'ing plug. DNR, all the way. What a travesty, that these people are paid any money to develop news content. I have spent time in waiting rooms, flipping through that particular week s articles, and actually come away from Time Magazine DUMBER than I was about the subject when I sat down. Misinformation, second hand sourcing, and late-late-late breaking news. Time Magazine is news at the speed of fail. In fact, we d be alright with it if someone were to take Time, modern Pundits, and whoever beta tested Vista, and put them in a small room with no windows for a very long time. Oh, and Ross was booted off the mic for the very first time! Tune in to hear why, as it will probably be an answer in whatever elaborate and unnecessarily complex trivia contest we next host. You know who DOESN T have suckers on their appendages? These fantastic bands!: All Time Low - This Is How We Do Toy Gun Cowboy - 99.9%

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Copper Rocket. From Psychobilly to Comedy, this club has it all, plus a decent beer selection. In this hour we discussed J and I s visit to Open Mic Night, Comedy and Hecklers, and Book to Movie translations. We headed out last Thursday to Copper Rocket, located next to the tracks that separate Eatonville from Maitland north of Orlando. It s a good bar, the kind of place where the bartender has a Hunter S. Thompson shirt on and the seats are all knifed up by revelers past. We snuck into a decent seat right near the stage, and my pregnant wife Jen and I began the arduous task of pushing the table back and forth between our bellies. I was at a loss as to who should win, because, on one side, the table crushing her belly might mean the permanent disfigurement of our child, whereas if it were crushing my belly, I might be discomfited for a while. Thankfully, J arrived and we both opted to shove the table into his rapidly shrinking belly. So, the comedy started up, and it was good. The emcee was a mic shouter, but in a club full of assholes that turn their back on the stage, that s sort of to be expected. In all we saw about 10 comics, 5-6 of which were chicks. Some were fantastic, like Uncle Ray, Alicia, and Katie, and some were well They were working out the kinks of their act, let s just say that. I found the room to be oppressive for comedy, and I think that went a long way towards showing the skill of some of these people. To generate laughs when you have a dull crowd, a weird lighting system, and one f^%$ed up redneck heckler can t be easy. And that heckler guy exercised every Floridian Redneck Retard Trait you can imagine. What? You ve never heard of an FRRT? It s how you spot the natives, people! Allow me to clue you in, so that you can keep an eye out for this truly rare and special breed. He frequents bars, clubs, Denny s, and truck shows. 1. Hair - disheveled, lengthy, sweat soaked and yet buoyant. This guy may be balding, but he doesn t let it faze him. Look for what appears to be a mid-eighties South Eastern Championship Wrestling style haircut, kinda like Sammy Hagar, but with no hint of product. 2. Skin - Slightly resembling Trashcan Man from The Stand by Stephen King. All visible areas will be lobster red, with deep seated melanoma from spending day after day toiling in the brush. This guy works hard, and it shows. Sure, we ve had silly things like sunscreen, hats, and shirts for a few decades or so, but he is hesitant to change, cause chicks dig a nice dark 3rd degree tan. 3. Clothes - If you have ever been to a gas station on the wrong side of town, and seen an enormous box with what appear to be dirty shop rags spilling out of a funneled slot near the top, you have seen the FRRT boutique. Usually there is a strength in teals and yellows, but the occasional shirt sans sleeves is always appropriate, even on a 50 degree night. The gooseflesh really helps the blisters stand out, you know? 4. Shoes - Flip Flops or sandals. The bluer and rattier the better. The goal of all FRRT s is to showoff their busted ass feet, which have had countless drills, bricks, car tires, and bottles smashed across them. Typically, an FRRT will grow hobbit fur on their toes to cushion the blow of these many accidents, and this fur they will groom fastidiously if given a second stool to hoist them up upon. 5. Accessories - Ah, here is where the FRRT shines! From the puka shell necklaces they got on Spring Break 32 years ago in Daytona before dropping out for one semester , to the sweat stained cigarette or blunt behind their ear, this guy knows how to bring an ensemble together. Look for sunglasses, even though it is 10:30 at night in the bar equivalent of the goddamned Bat Cave, a Firebird or Camaro keychain, and bus transfer tickets. I would say that the frothiest, most spillingest, stankest foamy beer you can imagine is also an accessory, but no FRRT has even been seen without one, and if he spills one, you can be damn sure he was two-fisting. 6. Eyes. Always vacant, they stare in a way that perfectly indicates how many miles of edging and blowing this one man has done in his life. Also, yellow. Very, very yellow. Jaundice, or gonorrhea? Something. Do not maintain eye contact with an FRRT exhibiting individual, for any reason. If you are a male, it will indicate your desire to fight, or discuss The Mexicans . If you are a woman, it will indicate your desire to copulate with him, and your need to also discuss The Mexicans . Hope that helps! Anyway, the gals and guys did a good job in the face of such adversity, and we d definitely go back, and I think J wants to do a set, which would be a hoot that I will be sure to videotape for you all. Have you ever done an open mic night? How did it go? We wrapped up with some discussion of Where the Red Fern Grows, which J and Mickey never read. I am beginning to think that the book topic may not be such a hot item, seeing as I work with two guys that spend more of their time staring at porn than they do anything else. Maybe I should do Porn Reviews, instead. At any rate, J hated Frankenstein for the dumbest reason I have ever heard. I actually bought him a puka shell necklace. See you guys here next week, or, come join us in the Ustream for our show, Sunday at 2pm, Eastern. We ll be giving away the iTouch live, so if you entered, good luck, and if you didn t, well damn. We yukked it up to the following great musics in this hour: Straight Outta Junior High - Happy Fun Song Snog - The Happy Song And check out some of Katie Hughes work: Myspace Video from Bonkerz

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Yes s Truck Stops, and Ungrateful Chinese Childrens (is they learning?) We watched United, Southwest, and American Airlines run around like massive chickens sans massive heads last week, grounding planes, destroying schedules and delaying air travelers worldwide, all the while pointing their monkey pointer finger at the FAA, for suddenly waking up and asking, Are all the bolts on that plane on? Without exaggeration, the entire airline industry in this country has really dropped the ball. In an effort to make flights cheap, they have made flights miserable, cramped, hot, smelly, boring, stiff, starvation fests that scare the living shit out of every person who undertakes to travel. From peanuts to pilots, we discuss where air travel went wrong. What is the worst experience you had on a flight? Tell us about it. We do offer the airline industry some tips, including Mickey s idea for a traveling show (he really is a gypsy) and my well idea. Think hamster ball. At 40,000 feet. We also discussed truck stops, which I had the pleasure of frequenting last week on my road trip. I am sad to report that the truck stop of yesteryear is dying fast, as our once proud Stuckey s are steadily replaced by row after row of Flying J(ihad) Travel Plazas. The coffee smells like burnt hair, the staff has been replaced by sullen Pakistani men, and the jerky is being swapped out for incense. How much friggen existential meditation are these truckers doing? I get all republicany as I pine for a time I remember when the stores were bright and clean, the coffee was piping hot and fresh, and the staff did not mutter, Death to America after every transaction. We round out the hour discussing China and the new wave of spoiled rotten children. They are in their twenties, they stay out all night bathing and doing coke and circus peanuts, and they do NOT call home, ever. Chinese couples are actually hiring twenty somethings to come by, simply to fulfill the role their children will no longer take. I wonder how much money one could make being a guilt-sink, or a back-sasser. hell, you could retire in that country simply by being a thing-off-shelf-getter-downer Don t forget to check out Mickey s Life Coaching segment at the :40, where he details the importance of budgeting! I am more of a shotgunner in my money dealing. Probably explains why everything is feast or famine around my house. Well, let s be honest I never famine . We apologize for the delay in starting the show. While you are waiting please enjoy our skymall magazine and these delicious musics: Cobra Starship - Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) The Dollyrots - Brand New Key Powerman 5000 - Return to the City of the Dead

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by yardstickofdeath.com. In this, our finest hour, we discussed Saving Gasoline in your life, The Girlfight on You Tube, and The Tibet vs. China Olympic Issue. First off - In an effort to help you, our loyal listeners, make it through the coming summer months with your sanity and bank accounts intact, I will simply expound upon what we discussed with a few tips on how to save gasoline in your day to day driving. 1. Cut the AC. Screw whatever you have read about wind drag - the majority of you are driving at speeds under 45 miles per hour, sitting in traffic, and have probably pegged your setting at Max A/C Full. It s summer. You can enjoy a little wind, and tan that sickly pale arm of yours a little bit. Enjoy some fumes, and the sound of the vehicle next to you s pounding salsa rhythms! 2. Get Off the Leadfoot, and Get On the Good Foot! There is no need to jackrabbit race out of every green light, stop sign, and left turn you make. A slow, gradual crushing of the gas pedal, spanning a period of ten seconds, will accelerate you nearly as fast, and not cause you the initial waste of injected but unused fuel. 3. Tell Her to Stop Eating Cheeseburgers In addition to the obvious added weight load to the vehicle a tubby woman can provide, there is a frequently unconsidered cost, the extra travel time brought about as you take back roads, byways, and dirt paths in an effort to make sure none of your friends see you transporting bison . Take the past of least resistance by stocking the girls of least gravity in your vehicle, whenever possible! 4. Draft EVERYTHING Everyone that has seen Days of Thunder knows that you can add 700 hp and conserve approximately 15 gallons per minute of fuel by riding the rear end of the vehicle in front of you. The modern civilized man has adopted this somewhat risky but always cool maneuver to the highway, slotting in a hair s breadth behind tractor trailers and cement mixers and enjoying the lessened wind resistance, but a little known fact is that ALL vehicles can lessen that same wind power. Don t be afraid to stay on the back tire of motorcyclists, bicyclists, pedestrians, folks in wheelchairs, and trotting horses. If these conveyances are moving too slow for your purposes, a gentle nudge to the offending tire, sneaker, or hoof will alert the front driver to your special needs, and help them giddy up. Hey, rubbing is racing. 5. Pee in a Bottle Longtime secret of the modern trucker, a container (with lid, if possible) and some artistic seat sitting are all that is required to cut down on needless trips to nasty gas station bathrooms. Every time you slow down to exit for a bathroom break, you are sacrificing precious time and gas negotiating various cloverleaf ramps, parking lots, and additional left turns. By simply zipping, dipping, and dripping, you can get down the road in record time! I once traveled from Orlando to Alabama on an 18 oz Gatorade wide mouth bottle! Make sure you dispose of the receptacle appropriately, in conjunction with tip #4, by utilizing it a lobbed encouragement to people you might be drafting! I hope this list helps you, and feel free to comment with your own Excellent and Thrifty Gas Saving Techniques! We also discussed the famous Girlfight swirling across news desks and web browsers aplenty. Take a moment to review the footage, and see if it makes you laugh, burn with anger, cry, or yawn. Your reaction can be analyzed as follows: Laughter - You are a sicko, and you are probably German. The word schadenfrued was invented specifically to describe you. Anger or Vengeance - You know what it means to be downtrodden, and you seek justice in this world. You are Charles Bronson, and you have a death wish. Crying or Sadness - You are a Jewel fan. People often give you things with bunnies and geese on them. You have cat(s). Yawning or Boredom - You are Mickey. See you next week. We wrapped up this hour with an Olympics request: Shut up about the torch and Tibet, already. Social justice is meted out by actions and the people, not by some asshole 6700 miles away grabbing a torch. The monks are now being arrested for organizing attacks against Chinese officials. This is strange, because, if you are an American who believes in Freedom, you could say they are fighting for their independence . If you are an American who believes in Freedom, you also could say that they are becoming a terrorist faction . I love a well blurred line, don t you? No one should live under the yoke of another, and yet we ALL toil under a collective yoke, it would seem. What is the answer to the Chinese Puzzle Box? Should Tibet be free, and if so, should we extract ourselves from Cuba, Iraq, and all the other nations we have injected ourselves into in an effort to protect our interests? Sound off if you have a pair. And this hour we featured a new artist from The Hopper: Deaf Pedestrians - Hail to the Geek

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by soap. With all the filth and flarn we were tossing around as topics, it s probably for the best that we wash something. Anything. In this hour, we discussed Quentin Tarantino s sexual hang-ups, rogue monkeys, good and bad advertising, the scarcity of Hot Indians, and J provided us with a rundown of some of the net s more obscure fetishes. I was excited last week when I received a call from Say Anything Debe and Mickey, who invited my wife and I over to watch The Grindhouse movies. I had missed these movies in the theaters and was amped to finally check them out, and on Mickey s super wide screen high definition telly, no less. We had settled in with some food and drinks, and the screen filled with purpose and sound. After the standard FBI Warning and some menu screen action, the lights went down, and BLAM! There it was: Quentin s obsession. If you watch Deathproof, you will see it again over 47 times, easily in every single scene of the movie. We talk about Quentin and his sick, weird thing for a good bit. How many other Tarantino film scenes can you cite that deal with it? There was a monkey loose on the streets of Orlando. They caught the monkey. I am telling you this because you look concerned. I just want to make sure you don t freak out when you hear the episode, and start barring your doors against some kind of Simian Siege. Being in radio, we frequently imagine what it would be like to have advertisers. As a passive listener, what advertisements seem to have the most hold on you? Have you ever not visited a business because you found their ads distasteful, or irritating? We all give some examples of what we feel works and does not work in advertising, but the reality is that if you remember it, it sorta did its job, and Madison Avenue won. I ve recently starting liking that Indian actor that plays on House, who went to White Castle? You know who I am talking about. Yeah, that guy. But in all my experience with Indian filmography (2 films), I have yet to see any really hot men OR women come from that country. We kick around a few possibles, but the question stands: Where are the hot Indian people? Do I just not know where to look? Will I really regret asking you to give me some examples? All that Indabutt talk must have made J feel a bit frisky towards the end of the hour, because he regaled us with a litany of fetishes that people suffer from/enjoy that are gaining popularity. Smoking, Pedal Pushers, Looners, Spill, Flex, Olean, Soft Serve It sounds like a list of bad bands, and it makes me pine for the simpler days when the worst thing you might get out of your pornography is a predilection for women wearing garters. To each their own, but in the interest of science, and without resorting to the obvious scatological yack, what are the stranger fetishes you have encountered? Don t forget to check out my review of Fast Food Nation, which I really enjoyed. The movie was just a chapter or two of what is covered in this book, so feel free to pick it up (completely free link to the whole book courtesy of Google and the author), and grab me a baconator on your way back? Thanks, brother. I have no shame in telling you the name of the bands we stepped on in this hour: Big D & the Kids Table - Steady Pilot Punchline - Flashlight

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by the fine folks at Amazon.com where Mickey and The Chick-en are registered? Yes, Mickey shared some great news with us in this hour. For those of you non-engaged type folks out there, how much money would you need to make to get married? 10 grand? 40 grand? PSHAW! If you click here you can help our dear pale patriot s dream become a reality. On a lighter note well, not really, but can you say On a heavier note ? Some Mormons (technically, they were not Mormons, but they seem Mormony) allegedly screwed the wrong chickens, or chicks, and a 16-year-old called in for help and help done came. This time there were no tanks or flaming deaths as officials raided a compound and rescued 200 women and children. Just what kind of line do you use to get that many women to come and live as your sex slave? No babe may enter the kingdom of heaven but through a threeway with me. doesn t seem to cut it, sadly. All this religious talk leads us to believe we should start a religion. All we need is a name. I think that church might make you feel more connected to people. I remember when we first moved into my house, a neighbor told us how our house was always known for being the place to stop and pick oranges after Mass for the local Catholic church. First thing I did after that was erect a six foot privacy fence with a latchless gate. Keep your child touching hands off my citrus, freaks! (I think they may be sneaking in around the base. The pious are known diggers!) Mickey s wisdom-filled Life Coaching segment at the :40 expounds upon the belief that life is just not fair. Inspirational, truly! Ending on a bit of a downer, we discuss the death of the shuttle program, the possible massive layoffs that may entail for Brevard county, and the frustrating lack of new science projects. What the hell are we wasting all our money on in this country? Some Sand-War? PLEASE. If I were shot into space tomorrow, all I would ask for would be a mix tape containing these bands! In Stereo - Digging up the Bride They Might Be Giants - Spider Snog - One Grain of Sand Gogol Bordello - American Wedding

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Tijuana Flats. Hot damn, people, that is a delicious megajuana burrito, all wet and slathered with queso. I may not be able to type out the remainder of this blog due to cheese on the keys. Nobody said this job was easy. In this hour, we bid adieu to Mr. Charlton Heston, who makes Jack Palance look like Jimmy Stewart, but colorized. Eat my dust, Dennis Miller! At the tender age of 84, a person who many would consider to be THE embodiment of a guy, a man s man, a dude, has shuffled off this mortal coil and gone to defeat Dirty Apes in the afterlife. Farewell, Omega Man. We promise not to eat you. Our discussion of Manly actors bring us to on of my favorite topics: Chins. I am obsessed with the sizes of people s chins (and right so, as I possess 4 of them). We spent a good bit discussing many of the obvious chins, including The Leno, The Campbell, and This Guy: I haven t seen a chin that big since Thunder saw that Lo-Pan was dead! (IN YOUR FACE, DENNIS MILLER!) We discussed the reason for the modern goatee - I frankly am positive it stems from Chin Envy, as a plethora of Generation X, Y, and Z-ers awoke to find their chins universally weak, and flabby. Beard compensation is fine, but as a guy, you really just need to start working out your jaw. Take a few punches every now and then, and jut that sucker out whenever possible. Continuing in the vein of all things 80 s and manly, we somehow got on the topic of G.I. Joe, which is set to release soon as a live action film. I sincerely hope it is not another Chipmunks style rework. Some people claim that all of these films, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman They are all an effort to cash in on our attachment to products from our childhood, prying dollars away from us by tugging on our under-nourished inner child. That being said, I am considering changing the logo for the show: I think that the systematic rape of our collective childhood memories might be partly true, but I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that Hollywood has been run by retarded committees and focus groups for the last two decades, and would not know how to shoot an original idea if slapped in the face with one. In any case, I am still interested in working for Cobra, so, if you know anyone in ARB Co. HR, put in a good word for me! Our discussion of bad aim also took us to Star Trek, and Star Wars, and thankfully, J extracted us from our Nerd Death Spiral with a Newsbomb at the :20 - Stop by and check it out! We discussed the Olympic Shenanigans in London this weekend, and the question I have for you is this: Isn t participation IN the Olympics, the free spreading of ideas, the intermingling of crowds, and the general positive vibe of the game what spreads goodwill around the world? Can we agree that the only way to overcome the situation between China and Tibet is for the People of China to decide to do what is right? I mean, there are two BILLION chinamen Are YOU going to tell them to stop making all that racket? Screw the Ice Caps, imagine what would happen if every Chinese person in the world spat in the ocean Probably better that you do not. In movie news, we were sorry to see Clooney s latest flick doing ho-hum for its opening weekend. George is just an all around class act, and we wish nothing but success for the guy. It s been said that he is the last real Hollywood Leading Male, and I completely agree. Mickey and J say the flop was purely born out of a timing issue, and I think I agree. We rounded out the hour discussing 21, which was the #1 movie this week, which led us to discussing gambling. What is your favorite game, and do you have a system that actually worked for you? I read on roulette for an entire year before I realized that my brilliant plan existed, and would fail, even on a single zero European Style table. By the way, peoples - Time is Almost Up. It s Your Last Chance for Pie. By Pie, I mean your last chance to win the SomaCow Media, Inc. iTouch media player, which we are giving away, FOR FREESIES. Just hit the test, answer the questions correctly, and your name will be in that hat for next week s cutoff date. I want to give it to you. I cannot wait to give it to you. But I cannot give it to you if you do not enter to WIN the damn thing! Good luck, and Cannonballs. By the way J has 720 on MAME Just saying. And for our great music this week: TheStart - Wartime Dirt Poor Robins - Teach Me How Big Engine - Juggernaut (Built for Speed)

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by newegg.com - If you need something computery, it s a damned good place to get it. In this hour, I bitch, moan, cajole, whine, wheedle, piss, complain, consternate, grouch, grump, bellyache, bitch, and generally have beef with the guys at Cheap/Smart Guys Computers. It s a whole deal. Mickey stands with me against the guy. J, who hates good service, does not. Whether you are a person who has been downtrodden, or just a person that likes listening to a fat guy work himself into a lather, it s probably pretty good radio. Enjoy! Oh! In resolution of the laptop - Turns out the other party that repairs the comps is 1 mile from the store we bought the laptop at. THREE WEEKS OF SHIPPING? I am writing this blog on the recently repaired laptop. Unbelievable. It took less than 24 hours to fix it. Someone should probably tell the guys at Cheap/Smart Guys that their repair service is 1 mile away. They must be spending a fortune in shipping. Or lying to their customers on a far wider scale than I imagined. As promised, here is the link to the site that helps you find your way to a living person. GET THE HUMANS! I miss Liquid Television Anyway - We wrap up with some of the businesses we LIKE. If you know of a local (even local to just you) business that is giving great service, or just provides an outstanding value, please let us know, or comment the blog. Far too many companies out there treating their customers like crap. You know who ALSO provides a great service? THESE BANDS: The Orion Experience - Queen of White Lies Ann Beretta - Bottle Caps Brother Love - Push

SomaCow Media, Inc. in proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Text-Link Ads If you have a blog worth a damn, you should be using them. Ah, Florida - In this hour, we discuss what is wrong with our home state skillet, and why the rest of you people no longer want to grace her shelly beaches with your overwhite fat flesh. It looks like the streams of New Family arrivals into our fair state have dwindled to lows not seen since the great Sadness of 77 (see also, Dumb Gov., Gas Shortages, and Stupid Hair). Whereas we had once been content to sit back and wait for the multitudes to settle down in our suburbs, lapping up the over-chlorinated groundwater, settling into their stucco empires and demanding the immediate erection of god knows how many Wal-Marts, Walgreens, and Walled Communities, it is now apparent that we can no longer count on John and Jane Q. Pennsylvania to swell our ranks. So, what is a suddenly single stategal like Florida to do to make ends meet? We used to simply pay tribute to The Mouse, as The Mouse would attract dollars to its various theme parks and overpriced resorts, allowing us the occasional mealy morsel in the form of a Bed Tax. With a tanking economy, the idea of waiting for millions of vacationers to show up with a fistful of financial stability doesn t seem to be in the cards. Some people scream, Let s get some GAMBLIN already! - I ask those people to look at New Jersey, or those god-awful southern states along The Hurricane Brim. Poor bastards live hand to mouth, and most people with sense can see that gambling makes Casinos and Land Developers rich, not citizens. Plus, they attract crime, and as we are rapidly advancing on the Murder Capital of the Country prize here in Orlando, I doubt we can afford to plug in a giant neon bandit brigade right now. And so, we at SomaCow have a simple solution - Boobs. I know, we ALWAYS say boobs, but, seriously, boobs. Open the finest strip clubs in the country. Kick out the sleaze, the ne erdowells, the coke dealers and the just plain creepies. Build strip clubs on every corner, and stock them with clean kids with business degrees and fresh immigrant poon. STATE OPERATED STRIP CLUBS is what I am driving at. Every girl that does enough sit-ups to be able to hold her own weight up sideways on a brass pole gets a tax break. We have the sun for tanning, it s certainly hot enough to make most girls want to get undressed, all we need is the legislation to allow a friendly neighborhood boobecue on every corner. Get rid of the stupid purple buildings, and the creepy smoked glass, and the lame ass gold chained fur chested fauxmafia types, and make a strip club into the kind of place a man would proudly bring his kids to live beside. I gotta get some more facts here, so consider this one in the works. Mickey announced his intention to open the first prototype! We re still recovering as a city from Nipple-Shock. It seems that the WWE had to modify their promotional materials here in Orlando so that MALE wrestlers nips were not showing. When I first heard about it from Xander on The Lunar Room, I realized that I do not currently have a large enough font to display my wtf-acity. Speaking of wtf-acity I mean, why would anyone want this taken down? It s the truth, right? Or is it? Should you raise your children with religion? religions? If you do will they turn out like J and sue the church? Mickey actually quotes Bill Clinton in his Life Coaching this week at the :40 so check it out! J doesn t get aroused in strip clubs. I am just saying. We re never taking down the following great bands: Richard Cheese - Girls, Girls, Girls The Vandals - Fucked Up Girl They Might Be Giants - The Mesopotamians

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Ustream.tv - We love the folks over at Ustream, and if you are thinking of doing something creative and social on the internet, swing by and sign up for an account. It s free, it s simple, and the staff and service are simply incredible. I felt good this week, partly because the weather has been gorgeous, and mostly because I got a haircut. First paid for haircut in 3 or 4 years, second in 10 years. A man CAN cut his own hair, but he really shouldn t (ask Mickey). Just hope you do not hear what I did, cause it destroys a small part of your manhood. In this hour of SomaCow, we discussed the impending economic crisis. Take a moment to check out this guy s blog (Audio music will play when this blog loads) for some backstory, as we pretty much ran with his list. Fact-checking, it s what we are about. And yes, I am retarded, because in the episode I said, Everything tastes better with a 9 mm bullet , and the last word should be chaser. Blame it on my mom, cause she drank when she was pregnant. And J makes his trium(ele)phant return to the show . and he is SKINNIER??? It s a fact! J is down 30+ lbs, and well on his way to living to see episode 200! We re all very proud of him, and welcome you to congratulate his success! Check out his News Bomb at the :40, and jam out to the following awesome bands played in this hour: Weedy Factory - Did It for the Money The Downshifters - Money Notorious MSG -Straight Out Of Canton (Iron Wok Remix)

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this, our finest hour by Mickey s Life Coaching and Old People Computer Use Help Desk. The ladies of Say Anything sit in with us for a final hour, which, again, is far prettier eye candy than what we are used to. We start out with something that aggravates us to no end, the end user that can t use their computer to a meaningful end. That being said, I think I picked up a few thousand applications from my last bout of browsing . The only thing that is protecting me at this point is Vista s hostility towards the operation of ANY program, much less scumware and spyware. Mickey brings up a valid point that NO candidate can hide from the public lens, and will forever be hiding from their past. How prescient (that means future done seen , Apopka) of him, considering Hillary Clinton s current efforts to align her memory with actual footage. I am still praying for a last minute third party swoop-in, saving us from four years of THOSE people. We have no time for politicking on SomaCow, it seems, and quickly get off topic into tongue piercing and oral. It s the effect of the girls in the studio, I believe. As an aside - Hiter was Swedish. Shocking, isn t it? Why is America so willing to take back Obama? I mean, I like the guy. I had NO problem with him and his racist friends, but I do not understand that whole battered wife/Stockholm just say you are sorry and all will be fine again mentality people seem to be approaching this with. Nothing is fine, and glossing this race issue over is just a guarantee that it will revisit with a vengeance in October. Oh well The Democrats know how to lose an election, and it shows! Again, why are we talking about Politics during a visit from the ladies? I think it had a lot to do with THIS (read at your own leisure and peril) After reading that article, I was in a tizzy. Our society: bankrupt. Our way of life: defeated. A giant fat wet fart and The American Way is On the Way Out. We have to take steps to avoid this calamity, in addition to all the other calamities we are currently facing (Disease, The Housing Market, and Starbucks Coffee). I had high hopes for Starbucks, as I thought they had clearly identified their problem (bitter, bad coffee, dumb staff, unethical managers, and too many layabouts holding up The Line). So, today, I swung by a Starbucks adorning my local mall and went to get a Venti Caffe Americanoeoee. It was god-awful. Bitter and repugnant, I see no change in their corporate behavior evidenced, as Morris , the 17 year old cheese-face that poured my Joe, stared at me, thenm stared at the machine, then stared at me, then stared at the sink, then WALKED TO THE SINK AND POURED MORE TAP WATER INTO MY COFFEE. Mmm Nothing makes coffee taste better than the microbial soup of a dirty sink tap. Let me be clear, I have no problem drinking from A tap. I drink from mine at the house, public drinking fountains Hell, I have sucked off a garden hose just to feel that cold, slightly dry iron-y mouth feeling. But this sink was a cesspool of spilled beverages, uncleaned canisters, and filthy steam rags. Screw you, Morris. I sentence you to another year of working in a Mall Starbucks under the not-so-watchful eye of Bernice. Speaking of Starbucks, THIS JUST IN, one thing you can get that s good at Starbucks? your barista s kidney! We continued our topic sprint in an effort to get the girls to chime in, and they finally came to as we did a bit of girl vs. guy trivia. Feel free to play along: Thanks to Paul Redman for the idea. Next week, Dialing for Dollars, or something. Mickey hates trivia, which sucks, cause he is good at it. at the :40, for my Weekly Constitutional, I reviewed The Bible. It was a complete pantload, mostly about this guy with daddy issues But - it gave me a GREAT idea for a story. More details later! For now, simply bask in the glow of the following great bands: The Dollyrots - Nobody Wants You Notorious MSG - Warlord

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Kevin s stupid hat. It really is the dumbest looking hat a man can wear. If you personally own such a hat, throw it in a trash can with all speed. Seriously. So, SomaCow invaded Disney s Wide World of Schportzen to watch the Atlanta Braves take on the Cleveland Indians. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and Disney has a great ballfield out there in Kissimmee. I highly recommend it, but you will need to take certain steps to ensure you enjoy the day. 1. Bring water, so that you have something to drink on your way to the concession stand to buy beer. Remember that after a few beers, you will develop sun-skunk mouth, so make sure you bring a few extra bucks for a cool-refreshing soda. The soda will probably be too sweet, so you will want to get a pretzel to cut the sweetness, at which point, you will realize that you are pretty hungry, so you might as well get a hot dog. OooH! OR a burger! and nothing goes with a burger like fries, or better still, cheese fries! Those are pretty good, and you might as well grab some popcorn while you are waiting for all that food to cook, so go ahead, at least, unless you would rather have a lemon-icee Woof That was pretty sour, better nip up on some of that cotton candy to reset your tongue, although cotton candy is kinda dry, so, yeah, make sure you bring some water. It is important to stay hydrated. 2. Get the Program if you have kids. It s a good memento for them, and it will remind you of who the hell is playing. If you do not have kids, save your money for water . 3. Get a seat on the lawn. The lawn is where it is at. If you are in a seat, you can not see what is going on. Below is a picture of what I saw from a seat: Whereas this is what I saw from the lawn: Yeah. 4. Even in springtime, it can get downright scorching outside. Plan in advance, as the ladies above did, by wearing very little and keeping a cool breeze on your skin. Unless you are a guy. If you are a guy, use beer in copious quantities, and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you ever remove your shirt. No one wants to see that, and people paid money to be here, for God s sake. (Pic Deleted Out of Taste and Dignity) 5. If you must remove your shirt, do not allow your reasonably hot girlfriend to apply sunscreen for you. The application of sunscreen is a one-way understanding. Male applies to Self, Male applies to Female, Ideally, Females apply to Female, and then tickle Female a lot. NO self-respecting guy should ever get himself into a situation where he is having gay love messages quasi-permanently emblazoned into his skin. 6. Be shade for someone. It s the right thing to do. We were joined again by the lovely ladies of Say Anything, which is always nice. Thanks to everyone that has let us know how great they sounded. We will be sure to have J grow some boobs. We talked up the proper care of hotdogs, and the idea that all relationships are doomed. They are, you know. Consider every relationship a game of Tetris. You work hard, trying to fit all their stupid shit into your brain, constantly praying that they will drop you some nookie, in the form of a four-in-a-row piece. On and on you plod, shoving their insecurities here, their inconsistencies there, and all of the sudden, you have holes all over the place, and the stupid b t given you head in four months, and her dumb friends are coming over again for the third time this week, and they re all fat, and loud, and short, and they smell like cinnamon farts, and her cat shat all over your shoes again, which is fine, cause they are the stupid shoes she picked out for you to wear in the first place, and kinda made you look gay, but now you have nothing to wear when she drags you off to some retarded renaissance fair, where you will AGAIN get to hang out with her fat friends, except with stupid fancypants and bad food and mosquitoes and fat nerds from Omaha wearing poorly cut felt hats. Anyway F%$k the Russians, F@ t know why, it just happened.

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Jesus. For all your savior needs, drink Jesus Christ! Fah who for-aze, Dan yelsza hor aye! In this J-free hour of SomaCow, Mickey and I entertain ourselves discussing Easter, and religion, and the creepiness of my neighbors, who constantly stare at my pale, quivering nakedness. I, as a man, a man s man, a guy, a dude, contend that if I own 6 feet of privacy fencing that forms a perimeter around my property, I should be allowed to take my morning coffee and smoke with all my jumblies left out for the world to see. Somehow, the old couple that live catty-corner (I hate that term) to me seem to pick those EXACT naked moments to stand at their sliding glass door and stare at my junk. It s creepy, and no matter how much I try to wiggle it at them, they simply will not go away and leave me in peace. Am I in the wrong? Where ELSE can a man be naked but in his own yard? More so, I only have a few precious weeks left of naked time in general, before the arrival of my daughter. I need every minute of sun-soaked johnson time I can get! Anyway, we spent some time on the Holiday, which I hope you all enjoyed, and we invited the girls of Say Anything in for a few shows. We thank them for helping us make radio history, as we devoted an entire segment to eating Cadbury Creme Eggs, a true Easter tradition as far as I am concerned. Have you people tried the new varieties? The Reese s product is obviously superior, but I will entertain other submissions, should you feel the need. We have some new stickers in, and will most probably be getting coozie and faubs soon as well. If you would like any of that stuff, just send a SASE to: SomaCow Media, Inc. PO Box 162224 Altamonte Springs, FL 32716-2224 And throw in a buck or two to defray costs if you want a coozie. Coozy? How the hell DO you spell that? We brought up an interesting point: the relationship between business persons and religion, and how it is easier for some folks to search within their own pew for like-minds to engage for their financial dealings. It s creepy to me to consider a guy picking a plumber based on that guys willingness to believe certain aspects of a dogma, but to each their own. I just think it s tacky to put an actual Jesus Fish/scripture ON YOUR LOGO. Weirdos. Whatever the business owner thinks is coming across, all I am hearing is, I am using God to make a buck . Sinner. And we talked about the girls, and how proud our network is of the longest running show we ve ever worked with. You guys really need to try out Say Anything. Chicks talking about Life, Love, and Sex. It s a lot of what s right in podcasting, and we love what they do. And not just cause they would hit us if we said otherwise. I am serious. After Debe left the studio, I found a straw wrapper formed into a noose. That girl is scary. Not scary? The following great bands that we featured in this hour! Hot One - Get Your Priest On No More Kings - God Breathed Flogging Molly - Us of Lesser Gods

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by Specialty Pizza Express. It s damned fine pie. Seriously. I recommend the Super Cheese, cause it doesn t plate off the cheese into a gooey death mess on your neck on the first bite. Just mouthful after mouthful of steamy hot wet moo. I guess there is a reason I do not write ad copy for a living So, this is the final episode of audio weirdness. You may have noticed the last three episodes suffered a certain tinny warblyness, and I am happy to report that that issue is resolved, and we here at SomaCow Media, Inc. are ready to screw up in all new ways! In this hour, we discussed my toe, which is looking better now, thank you for asking. I still have no nail, and I am terrified of its tendency to turn ghostly white, but the pain is gone and the swelling is reduced. It s a lot like lovemaking that way. If you ever need a podiatrist, I highly recommend Dr. Pearl. His bedside manner is second only to his hot nurse assistance. Just make sure you exfoliate your heels before you go, as no one wants to hit on a cute girl when she is holding a scabrous hoof. For us, it begged the question, why would ANYBODY be a podiatrist, or a proctologist, or an otolaryngologist? I mean, you sat through god knows how many science and math courses, you staved off sleep through internships galore, and now, you stand, your shingle in hand, ready to get hippocritical on some mo fo s, and you choose leaky swollen nasty bits? Weird. Sound off if you know why, Heard. The Pope has been quite active lately, making assorted commentary on the Iraq war, the middle east in general, and how Muslims should act. I can only attribute it to the fact that his man-boylust is peaking, and I hope somebody can get him some kidtouchbane or wormwood or whatever normally makes him go back to his dark lair. I would like to take a moment to address our younger listeners, specifically, our Catholic younger listeners. We at SomaCow know that the Pope is deadly serious in his desire to ram some youth butt, and so we offer these handy tips to stave off potential papal/priestly buggery: 1. Smoke heavily. Nothing turns off a horny holy man faster than proffering the wafer of Christ only to see a furry green and yellow tongue staring back at him. At the very least, eat lots of sour apple candy, and try to get braces. Make your mouth into a threatening sewer of steel and sticky rotten putrid bits of nasty, and Father O Faggy may just read scripture instead of undressing you with his rheumy eyes. 2. Bean up, boy! Every Saturday night, carb load like a dervish, and ask for seconds. The more gas you expel, the more you will stink, especially in your rectory , as it were, so load up on Kidney Beans, Lentils, Mushrooms, Pinto Beans, Cheese, Refried Beans, Pad Thai (extra hot!), Broccoli and whatever else is good for your heart. The more you eat em, the less you have to worry about some creepy old guy slipping his hand up your frock. 3. Worship Satan! Yes, its a well known fact that the Devil wants to eat your soul, and destroy all that is good in the world, but he is also a hermaphrodite, and thus suffers from what your Dad calls ED . Just make sure you get back on the good foot after you grow facial hair (Think Goatee-Gotta Go!) and you will be right as rain. Priests don t want to fuck adults, if they did, they would have gotten a real job, and a car, and maybe a really sweet jacket. Only perverts spend that much time on their knees. Hopefully those will help you out in your efforts to get thee from behind me , kids. Now quit listening to our show and go outside. Your parents would kill us if they knew you were here. Well, probably not. I mean, they take you to church, so they obviously hate you. Yeah Anyway, we played some great music in this episode, featuring these angelic bands: Frenzel Rhomb - I Went Out With a Hippy highly unfashionable western spiral arm of Nowheresville. Momma Earth is a good egg, but we will need to hatch one day soon, and the more we understand about off-terrestrial living, the more equipped we will be to handle the sudden poach. See you on Sunday in the Ustream! Happy Easter!

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by They Might Be Giants. A phenomenal band doing remarkable things utilizing a modicum of skill playing various instruments. In this hour we discussed Producer Jen and I s two concerts in one day. As she gets frothy talking about TMBG, I will allow her to explain further: Hi! Jen here. I m still giddy about that day I started listening to TMBG back in the late 80s and was an instant fan. The first song I heard was Cowtown, and I just thought it was so different and quirky. About a year later, I went to my first TMBG concert and what an amazing show (Thanks Janus Landing in St Pete!). I have almost always known every song by heart at every show. Over the last 20 years, I have seen them every time they have come to the state. Geoff and I started talking on MucheDumbre because I had Blue Canary in the Outlet by the Lightswitch Who watches over you? Make a Little Birdhouse In Your Soul as my signature. We married 5 years later, and were introduced at the reception as a couple for the first time to Birdhouse. So this band has a deep meaning to me. We found out the day before the shows, that Geoff won tickets to see a small intimate showing at a local radio station. We got there early, per usual for us, and sat downstairs as instructed. One by one we identified them the other winners. There is something about a TMBG fan. While we all might look different, you can just tell a TMBG fan from others. I had my camera there, just in case we could take pics (it ends up we couldn t) and then my sensors went off. OK, that just sounds dorky, I really just looked to my left and saw John and John getting out of a van. They were walking them through the front door with the fans just sitting there? I mean we re not a crazy bunch, but I have seen J t matter though, as Geoff s winning was special so we were in the front row anyway! They played 4 songs, Mesopotamians off of their new album, Dr Worm , Istanbul (not Constantinople) , and then New York City , so all great songs. They were a little off, though. We had been warned that one of the Johns was sick (to be revealed later-hold tight!), and Linnell stated he had just woken up. If only I could have snuck a shot of his bed hair! Ooh, I got it! So the sounds were a little off and they stumbled on some words here and there. Not their best show, but still cool as shit. I think the best part was during a commercial break when they broke out into the themes from Barney Miller and The Rockford Files. So after this 1 hour show, they start packing up and said they had to go to get ready for the HOB show that night so they couldn t stick around. Some douche kept begging Linnell for an autograph pointing out he had Flansburgh s but not his. Linnell said, how about if I shake your hand. That s more personal than an autograph, right? and the guy said no! So I took this opportunity to quietly move my sympathetically pregnant belly up to the Johns and quickly ask, We do a podcast/internet radio show and would love it if we can play your music on SomaCow and I got a quick sure! . I was about to pass out I was so excited. They also do a podcast you can download on iTunes (or your iTouch you can win here!) for free. So fastforward a few hours and Geoff and I are on our way through beautiful Thursday afternoon I-4 traffic to get to Downtown Disney and the House of Blues. HOB is probably one of my favorite venues we have in Central Florida We get there to find out that to get in the front line you have to eat at HOB or buy something in the store. Well, the store had crap in it. We were all prepared to buy stuff at the concert, but not from HOB. So we were 2nd in line in the regular people line. My only issue was I had to find a table. Between my being all knocked up and Geoff s toe (see the next SomaCow Episode), it was just necessary. We had a plan. Sis and her friend go to the bar with drink orders, Geoff goes to the table with the stuff to scope it out and I find the table. I run (yes, literally run) to my table only to find it is taken. I look and see one. I pass someone whoosh! and scoop up the table. Geoff sees me, smiles, and grabs two extra barstools on the way over. Victory! Now at this show, they did their thing. John Flansburgh came out and announced to us all that he had the flu (so it was him!), and that he had taken every OTC flu medicine known to man and was ready to put on the best show of his life thanks to all of these pharmaceuticals! He didn t disappoint. He was funny all running around the stage. You could tell he felt no pain but would the next day! Every single song was AWESOME. They have the best concerts. They will play about 80/20 if not 90/10 of old to new songs. They know their audience and why they are there. Have you had that experience? Or the opposite? TMBG knows that they have a babillion hits (to their fans), and they always throw a new one or two in there you haven t heard in a while. They get their new stuff out there, too, but focus on the old. They make their fans happy. And happy we were! Oh man and Dan Miller on acoustic guitar doing his 10 minute intro to Istanbul. Just amazing and the SomaCalf went nuts! She was flopping left and right, she loves that guitar! We were both prepared to leave early if need be, due to physical pain, as we ve seen their show, but there was nothing that would take us out once it started except when the lights came up. Brilliant show, and since this will probably be our last concert for the foreseeable future, it was the perfect one. Mickey shares his wisdom on following the styles of Information Society and speaking your mind. Oh, and this is also the I Love You episode (if you don t know, they ll explain it) so Geoff gives us all 5 great tips to keep love alive and we definitely do! And we also played this great music: They Might Be Giants - Cowtown Enter the Haggis - To the Quick Straight Outta Junior High - Love Song

Somacow Media is proud ter present SomaCow, broot ter yer on dis gran , bonny day by Finnegan Seamus, McMeck o Malleys Sheep Shaggerin all an Bail Bonds Service. Fer al yisser four legged legal endeavors, call Finnegan! we spent a gran porshun av dis our discussin al things Oirish, includin de nade ter draink, me desire ter join de military, chinese grub, an tattoos. Jaysus! No wonder that country never built roads til the English came and gave em what for. History is replete with fine examples of Irishmen that have really made the world a better place, and SomaCow salutes them today: (The Sweetest Pieces of Irish Lass) Excellent Irishmen, all of them.We ll be out toasting your health this Monday at Wall Street, enjoying some drinks and watching Enter the Haggis beat down the stage. We never really got into it during the show, but Who invented that gay pinch if you aren t wearing green schtick? Was that just a Woolworth s invention to sell off massive reserves of shitty green clothing, or is there some real reason we do it? I never seem to get pinched by hot women, just weird dudes that look all happy about doing it. I have no idea why people generate so much pleasure from touching me. Psychos. Don t forget to check out J s Newsbomb at the :40! We also chatted about McCain, who apparently forgot to buy something at the Green Zone market last time he was in Iraq and has returned once more this week to bust down on some Baghdad Bargains. Best of luck to you, sir. Please try not to create an international incident during your visit. And Obama, who had to work hard to distance himself from yet another foaming at the mouth lunatic, this time in the form of his Reverend. I am not sure I disagree with Goodman Wright s statements, because, behind all the fohty acres an a mool rhetoric, there is some real truth is what he is saying. Consider these quotes: We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America s chickens are coming home to roost. Well . We did, regardless of how I feel Israel has a right to exist, we are pissing on the Palestinians when we support Israel. You cannot take a side without opposing another. What we have allowed to happen, both with arms trade and resource rape, in Africa and other places, is simply unconscionable. The fact is, militant and psychotic Islamic fundies would not be able to win the hearts of these people if we would start showing them the good that America can do. Another Wrightism: Barack knows what it means to be a black man to be living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people Hillary can never know that. Hillary ain t never been called a n*****. (censoring mine) That is a fact. White rich people DO run this country. Well, rich white people and Saudi Royalty. AND! Hillary has never been called the n-word. She has, quite reasonably, lived a life of hate from the right, but nothing along the lines of what many blacks experience, even today. These are opinions, given by a black man speaking to a congregation. They do not indicate Obama s mind, no less than the fact that George Bush attended a school run by a religion known for having sex with pigs indicates that George Bush enjoys sticking his junk in a squealing oinker. ALL religion is dumb. As long as you people in this country insist on having a President that goes to church, you will continue to experience stupid preachers that say outlandish shit, and retarded terms like Chief Spiritual Advisor . What is this, Tenochtitlan circa 4oo BC? Ooonga the motherfuck Boonga, people. One opinion that is fact is that we played fabulous music this week: Flogging Molly - Requiem for a Dying Dream Dirt Poor Robins - Eleanor Rigby Presidents of the United States of America - Mixed Up S.O.B.

SomaCow Media, Inc. is ashamed to be associated with this episode of SomaCow, brought to you this week in spite of good taste and sensibility. Geoff is incredibly offensive and rude to people in this hour, and I only hope Mickey, J, and our listener can forgive him for such offensive material. Mickey makes a special announcement concerning The Chick That He Is Dating and himself. I don t know how you get a guy to go through all that again! WTG, Mickey! When Geoff isn t throwing out the R-Bomb, and making that stupid sounding Carlos Menciasque (HACK!) noise, he also manages to lower the credibility of our entire show by passing along half-cocked conspiracy theories involving nuclear power, MSN Hotmail, and your local Coffee Barista. Schmuck. Then fatty grabs the mic and blabbers about Jenny McCarthy s book. See if I ever read you a bedtime story again, tons of no fun! Anyway, Mickey and J are good in this episode, so, enjoy them, and comment as you see fit. We also enjoyed the following great bands this week: Weedy Factory - Did It for the Money Enter the Haggis - One Last Drink

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, strangely not brought to you in this hour by IKEA. It s a known fact that skynet is a pansy, when compared to the SKU tracking system that must be in place at IKEA. Okay, this whole episode hinges on how freaking big that store is. It s big. It s just retarded big (we ll get into that next time.) When God said, Let There Be Light he had to ask IKEA to move. The Vehicle Assembly Building at NASA Headquarters suffers from structural envy when it gazes across at the IKEA store. Bags of Holding do not actually port to another dimension They port to the cafeteria at IKEA. When Omega Supreme picked up Megatron and slammed him into the moon, he actually slammed him into an IKEA. The Borg actually drove around in a giant gray IKEA. Fun Fact: No one has ever seen an entire side of IKEA in one glance. So, yeah. It s a store. I went there. I talked about it. You should go see it, once. Bring food, not just for yourself, but for the thousands of dispirited vagabonds you will be tripping over that were not smart enough to bring their own provisions. We also discussed the assembly of my daughter s crib. I am sure every little girl wants blood red walls, yellow shag carpeting, and a banker s lamp! Seriously I need parenting help. Mickey and J are no help, because they hate me. What do you do with a girl? Does she fish? Color? Should I just get her a Wii now? Normally, I would spend some time here making light of our dear J, as he again committed social suicide this week by catering an imaginary wedding with fake meats for unmet clients in neverwhere. The dude does not have Peter Pan syndrome He has Lo Pan syndrome. His soul swims in it. And by it, I mean pasty not-go-outsidedness. Seriously, folks. Friends do not let friends get so involved in an mmorpg that they are selecting imaginary wines to pair with the imaginary third course. Imagine how sad it would be if he hadn t gotten paid I mean, he did get paid Right? What? I hate him so. You know who I do NOT hate? These great bands! Sullivan - Goodbye, Miss Havisham The Flesh - In Paradise And a very special appearance by Jonathan Coulton with his song Ikea . (You can buy the song for a buck) And Mickey! Make sure you check out the fastest growing segment in internet introspection, it s life coaching with Mickey at the :40!

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Aftermath. Every Saturday night from 8:00 to 10:00pm (Eastern), check out their relentless and entertaining show! So, we re always growing here on the network. We ve enjoyed success with many new additions over the last few months, and we are very excited about our new show, The Aftermath. Jordan and CJ are bringing fresh takes on all manner of topics, from politics to entertainment to local issues There isn t a row they won t hoe. I don t even know what that means. Get in there and check em out! A long time ago, George Carlin once commented that Most people that are against abortion are people you wouldn t want to F#$@ in the first place. I wanted to see if that could be true, and we valiantly, if not vainly, attempted to find a hot republican woman. Babs? Ann? Laura? Sigh Government is broken. We touched on the Florida Voting Armageddon, set to unleash as,yet AGAIN, Floridian Idiots will end up somehow deciding the fate of the entire nation. How does this continue to be the recurring theme in every election? At least, this time, Michigan will have to take some of the heat. The Democratic Party should be ashamed of themselves, and I changed my party affiliation to Democrat so that I can participate in the special election they will inevitably force soon. I am not going to mount a soapbox here, I just want you to think about this. The Democrats are broken. The Republicans are broken. We need third party intervention, or fifth party, or seventy eighth party There are far too many voices in this country to summate the scope with a single man. It may have worked in the 1700s, and even the 1900s, but we can no longer have the bomb, the military, and the veto in one dumb hand. Time for government to shut up for a while, and people to get busy producing. Let s aim for creating a quagmire, and halt the addition of ANY new legislation. Okay. Enough about world issues. We discussed a dark secret of one of our very own hosts. Followers of Oz may remember a certain prison term known as spooning . Which of us harbors such a creepy history? Strangely, this is the part of the blog where I will not choose to inform you that SomaCow is giving away a free iTouch media player. Take the test for a chance to win damn near $300.00 of shiny plastic and glowing parts. You deserve it, sweetie. Please forgive the singing. I swear, I never wanted you to hear that. We made it up to you with the following fantastic artists: Dirty Wormz - Black Piranha Dirty Wormz - Wig On The Pig Can someone please tell me why Simon is doing this all the time now on American Idol? Did they finally address it on the show? I noticed it a few weeks ago, and it s just WEIRD

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by the fine folks at Rational Riot. It s sort of like that Candlebox song, but without all the emotive rocking. Okay. Shocker episode this time around, because we talked about food, and drinking, and rude. We were champing at the bit to get down to Texas de Brazil, and so we raced around. In a valiant effort to get the goddamned subject off of eating for once, we discussed the finer points of shaving. I seriously need to, and ingrown hairs are just plain nasty. What a horrific flaw in the design of man that is, and proof positive that shaving is an unnatural and weird act. I find it humorous that people consider shaving to be a sign of culture and etiquette, considering the irrational ideas behind such behavior. You pluck hair from a horse, and make lather from alkaline death, and sharpen steel and place it by your jugular How barbaric. Look I will shave. I really will. I just have to spread out the time between shaves, with the average being about two to three months. We discuss in this episode what happens if you do more. We also talked about drunken behavior, and cell phone behavior, and why it is incredibly difficult to not walk over to the counter at seven eleven and pick up the happy yellow coffeepot and smash it over the guy next to you in line s head repeatedly, until he collapses into a heap of bloodied skin, broken bone, and smashed bluetooth. I m not violent, but I am willing to learn, you know? Weekly Constitutional focused on Henry Rollins The First Five, a collection of his earlier narratives and verse from the 80s. Gripping stuff, and I highly recommend it if you are intelligent and somewhat mad. Then again, you listen to this show, so you are obviously intelligent, and quite mad. Buy the book, support the show, free your mind, eat at Joe s, and all that razzamatazz. This hour also features the oddest, and most frightening thing I have ever been asked by a listener. I don t even want to go into it. It s just odd. I want to believe the person asking was a woman, and joking, but I am pretty sure that neither was the case. Just go listen. The Horror. You know what would be good to listen to on a Free iTouch, courtesy of SomaCow? The following great artists, THAT s what. Chicken Butt. Straight Outta Junior High - Meatheads, Douchebags, and Me Dirty Wormz - Top of the Food Chain Oh, and apologies to Mickey for the Dane Cook reference. I just can t control myself. My. SELF.

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by Say Anything. Listen to three chicks talk about life, love and sex For free! We fired up some new intros, and the Hopper rejected them. After a quack recovery, Mickey informed us that this week has just been an all around bad time for him on the technological front. It seems he destroyed his laptop, mouse, desk, and much of the east bedroom at his house. Dude really is Powder So nice and sweet, and then he gets into a rage and metal starts flying. We discuss my inherent need to be on the internet, possibly to now include the installation of a swivel arm mounted computer in my bathroom. It just kills me to know that I could be playing scrabulous or posting some snarky reply to a podcasting forum, if only I didn t take such lengthy trips to the can. It s a family tradition, it would seem, because I remember many a night I would sit in the living room and stare at the hallway to the bathroom, wondering when dad would emerge again from his epic shits. Dude had a TV, the hotline to the radio station, a telephone, a CB hookup, 2,000 playboys, and several transistor radios, all around an avocado throne. We bore down on a topic near and dear to my wallet, namely, the Long Distance Relationship. Mickey regales us with a tale from his youthful days, when he was a child and she was a child in a kingdom named Big P. Sad, truly. I told of my ill-fated relationship with a Polack in Mamaroneck (Sorry again about all that!), and J informed us that he was born married to his wife. What s the biggest bill you ever ran up talking to the opposite sex? 900 numbers included, you dirty, dirty people. Hey, while we have a moment . Did you know that SCM is giving away a free iTouch? S true. Click the test at SomaCow.com and get into the running now! So, we at SomaCow frequently make it our goal to explore the mysterious of mankind, and better understand what it means to be a man. Today s topic of interest - Goatees and Van Dykes. WTF is the deal with this ubiquitous facial fur? Bald guys, hairy guys, emo boys, punk rockers . I cannot throw a rock without hitting six dudes that have a big satan beard all over their chin. Is this the pinnacle of our beardery? I hope not. I look to my good friend and trendsetter Elross for all my bearding advice. Don t forget to check out Mickey s Life Coaching at the :40 - Topic this week: Sprinkle some happiness! Is it okay for a guy to hug a guy? How do you hug? We gay right the hell out of this episode with a brief history of the love that dares to squeeze the charmin. We beared up on the following great artists in this episode: Oppenheimer - This Is Not a Test Punchline - Flashlight Jeff Howell - A Pretty Little Thing Put a Hurtin on Me

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Lunar Room. Check out Xander and Lauren and all their guests each week on Saturdays at 5pm Eastern. SomaCow had a run-in with the fine folks at Texas de Brazil tonight. Sometimes you eats the beefs: And sometimes, the beefs eat you. We are all going to die of full. /from intern who didn t get to go to dinner/ So the guys talked about truckers. I do not understand why Geoff, Mickey, and J have such a respect for truckers. There truckers. Then they talked about the Adirondack dog sled race. I don t see what the issue is here. I mean, there just stupid dogs. And they talked about beef. (It is singular. If you are going to be on the radio you should at lest learn good English.) They went out to eat and left me at the studio to write the blog. Real fun, considering I can t read anything Jen wrote. You figured they would train me to take over when Jen has her baby, but aparently they went to dinner with a guy that is supposed to take over for her when she has her baby after she has her baby. How unfair is that? Seriously. I have worked my ass off. Oh, and another thing. Bagging on teh French, how clishay. George W. Bush jokes are real cutting edge. I will agree with Geoff, Mickey, and J, Penelope Cruise and Selma Heyick are hot. /end intern who didn t get to go to dinner/ Please, if you can read this, play the following great songs during our mass funeral: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Eastbound and Down Emery - The Movie Song Naome Bradshaw - Walking Wounded This is Naome Bradshaw:

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by The Sports Buzz. Check out Ryan and Todd s recent interview with ESPN s Buster Olney on SportsBuzzRadio.com! In this hour, we talk about a subject unheard of here on SomaCow - Meat! Specifically, the eating of copious quantities of beefs, at a very mafia-swank establishment tucked away off Howard and Armenia in Tampa, Fl. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a very upscale steakhouse experience. Strangely, even with the 75 dollar plates, the ever present guy wearing flipflops and a hat was still present at this joint. Dress code violators notwithstanding, I highly recommend Bern s for the eating of beefs. It even made me fall in love with my Mother-in-Law. Hey! We are giving away a free iTouch media player here on SomaCow Media! It s a nigh on $300.00 piece of technology neatiness, and you can win it simply by answering some questions. Little listening, and you are in the running. What could be simpler? Besides a woman? We also discussed the service industry in general, and some experiences we have had recently, and we delved into the top ten things restaurants would really rather you did not notice. Maybe it would be better to just eat in tonight, yeah? It s some good eatvice, which is just the sort of thing you can rely on SomaCow to provide you, our value-added listeners. Don t forget to come down and join us this Sunday, March 2nd, as we invade Texas de Brazil to hang out and consume a ridiculous amount of well seared animal. The menu from this place blows my mind, and I am really hoping it lives up to the hype. International Drive, Sunday night - see you there! We comped the following great songs on your check for the evening: Straight Outta Junior High - The University of Shit Face The Dollyrots - Out of LA

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by the fine folks giving away a free iTouch media player, SomaCow! Click here for a chance to win! We dedicate this hour of SomaCow to the woman behind Danielle is a Hor. Take a moment to hear her plight in this episode, and maybe send her some salsa and support in this terrible time. Utterly disgusting system we have created, and I go off on it a few times during the hour. The mexican hatred in this country is at an all time high, spurred on day to day by the right wing blah-jocks that spew their vitriol into thousands of Americans ears every day. Last time I checked, I live in a city and state that was sold back and forth from the french, the spaniards, the british, the indians, the blacks How can you have the audacity to deny entrance to a plot of land your forefathers were welcomed into? Unless your great grandparents were sneaky border jumpers, in which case, you should deport yourself, shouldn t you? I read a lot of blogs. I probably read more than I should, and certainly more than you would, and what I find out there is that everyone is filled with fear. What happened to cause such utter paranoia, and hate? Why are we seeking to close down our borders, limit our own freedoms? Cause two structures were toppled? Few thousand people passed away horribly? Do you have any idea how many people die of drunk driving every year? Or being injured at an unsafe job site? The ONLY way to defeat terror is to remain free, and it is high time we gave up this retarded idea that we can patrol every border and inspect every entry. The terrorists slipped under our nose, and there will come a time again one day when something worse happens, no matter what stopgaps we put in place. The secret to winning is being brave, and standing together, and demonstrating that we are not our government. We are not our military. We are a free people dedicated to truth and the future of all mankind. We must lead, and be a beacon of goodness in this world. Until that happens, we will never overcome terror. We go back and forth on this topic quite a bit, and some of it is pretty spirited. I invite you to listen, and agree/attack/question as you see fit. There s some truth, and a decent amount of comedy, racial, redneck, and otherwise. J would like to start a redneck joke list, so, if you have any jokes that poke fun at scared dumb white men, send it! Are all rednecks white? I don t think so. I have met plenty of dumb scared members of any race. You know what I never WILL understand? What the hell is THAT supposed to be? Do you have any idea how much I pity/loathe you inside, when I sit behind you at a traffic signal, staring at your little three inch wide proclamation of futile bullshit, surrounded by yellow, red, white, blue, and green ribbons, and usually next to a smarmy bumper sticker about al gore? You aren t HUNTING terrorists. You are sitting on your fat ass listening to talking heads sell you hate. Bag Limit ? I would fall down dumb-dead if one of you ever actually went where a terrorist was and did anything other than sweat and sit still. Pansies. Utter fucking pansies. False bravado, false machismo, and shameful, all the way down to the yellowed, curling detail that that decal was printed 7 years ago, and this nation has yet to find the man who claimed to have caused the destruction of the World Trade Center. Coward, peel that shit off your car. I do not fight because I truly believe the government is wrong, and has been for decades, on how it handles the middle east. This has caused this hatred for our nation. The first step to putting that situation right is to get out of their house. You do not fight because you are a coward. Also - Check out Mickey s Life Coaching near the :40! - It s got Biscuits in it, yeah? We plunked the following quiet little chords as we scrambled over your puny fence: NOFX - USA-holes NOFX - Leaving Jesusland NOFX - Idiots Are Taking Over Note from Mickey: Yeah, I played three songs from the same band. It is not something I would normally do. I kind of like to spread out the love. but if you watch the live video stream on Ustream.tv, you can see a poster on the back wall from one of the greatest bands on earth NOFX. I was also burying my angst about missing their show when they came to Orlando. I was working nights. It happens. Also, they have a Mexican in the band.

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Repticon. For all your stinging, biting and creeping horror needs, Repticon is a one stop shop for pets sure to scare the living crap out of your neighbors. Saturday was a big day for me and my wife, as we decided to actually leave the SomaCow Studio Compound and Sausage Emporium and head out. I had been told by a friend that Repticon made for a good fun walk-around, so we piled into the Saturn Running Show and headed over. Place was amazing. I talk about it some in this episode, and Jen got a buttload of excellent pics which you can check out while listening - Some of these things have otherwordly colors, and blew my mind. Hell of a lot bigger selection than what we see at Pet Bazaar or any of the local cricket and mealworm shops. There were lots of women there, surprisingly. I really do not know what that is about. Mickey and J say Snakes=Penis. Mickey feels that pets signal the death of a person s social life, and I tend to agree. Those of you that like snakes, you should head down to the Central Florida Zoo and wave hi to a good friend of ours serpents, both of whom idle away their luxuriant life in happy herpe heaven. Maybe next weekend I will hit the zoo and get you guys some pics. God knows something good has to come out of that camera I bought Jen. We talk a lot about snakes, and Mickey clues us in to what it REALLY means when a chick touches a reptile. I wonder what it means when a chick touches her iPod iTouch, that she won from SomaCow Media? Take the test and win! Also - PSA -don t have hermit crabs as pets- You think it s cute. Your kid may say they do, but they are lying. Stop scaring your children, people. We finally agree that, for some people, reptiles are just their Thing - Everyone needs to have a thing, something that they get nutty for, or follow religiously. Mickey s might be comics, mine might be authors and their first editions, and J J loves shrimp.It came up during the episode, and maybe you can sound off here: How much would you pay for a piece of the moon, or what object would you pay an exorbitant amount for, far above it s supposed value ? Check out J s NewsBomb at the :40, where he makes Mickey AND I laugh. No. REALLY! In sadder news - Guess who s Back? Back Again? Nader s Back. Stupid Bastard. Yeah, it didn t rhyme, but there is no less evocative, more meaningless, less likely candidate to ever announce. I have more belief that Chavez, or Charlie Chaplin, or Charlie freaking Brown, could be elected, than Ralph. S. Mouse Nader. Dude is a perfect example of the guy that just does not know when to leave the party and go the F home. And that s coming from a card carrying member of the Green Party. That whole organization is falling apart at the seams. Maybe I will fix it in a later episode. We rounded out the hour with some Oscar talks. We must just not get out to the theaters enough, cause I have not seen a single big contender. Give me some suggestions, listeners. I saw 3:10 to Yuma, and it was excellent. What else from this year s harvest should I be seeing?I apologize for the Jungle Fever singing. Sincerely. Don t forget to check out Justice at the Club at Firestone, coming soon. Get in, get tained, and let us know how it was. And enjoy the following hissy hissy tunes in this episode: Cobra Starship - Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) Bittybox - Snake Eyes

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Olde Cup and Saucer. It s the best damn gypsy business in town, and Jen and I absolutely love it. In this episode, we discussed my newfound love for tea, in all its forms, from the new Pure Leaf stuff being pimped by Lipton to this special magic brew oolong bomb secret spicy tea I am drinking. I only ask 2 things from my tea - be cold, and not taste like rotting fruit. There is NOTHING worse than tea that has sat in a cistern at a fast food restaurant for too long, and now every sip makes you wonder if it was brewed from the grout cleanings at the local YMCA shower. Except maybe Nestea. Holy crap, there must be acid in that stuff, like, scour your pooldeck acid, cause it will give you the burning coughy all day long. We tried out a new segment, where I quiz my fellow hosts in an effort to determine who is paying attention. I think it was fun, Mickey and J looked silly, and the listeners enoyed playing along, so I think I will make it a Staple each week. Play along in the chatroom, and prove to everyone else that you are the smart! We talked about a terrible story from Hawaii, where bureaucracy has caused one family the ultimate in suffering. For shame, faceless governmental agency sprouting needlessly from our senseless fear For SHAME. We also talk about my MAN! He may not be as lefty as Kucinich, or as outsidery as Ron Paul, but I feel like it is time. It s time, for I cannot wait! A vote for Obama is a vote against old people! I choked down so much meat this week, that my olfactory isn t making enough ol offal for me to get through Henry Rollins, so I cheated and pre-reviewed Mr. Black s book. I am ashamed, you are nonplussed, Amazon is waiting for your credit card number. We all agree that the writer s strike, while lengthy, was unnecessary. After watching recent episodes of all the major evening shows, it is apparent that the writers were not what made the shows so good. Mickey rarely suggests links, so you should take notice of these: Funny or Die You Suck At Photoshop Andy Mila Millakno . Milinoc . That Fat Greek Kid is NOT The Man Show Boy. I am serious, look it up. Mickey also regaled us with a film that we must go see, if only to look for traces of Chrispy. Please feel free to send us your independent music, movie scripts, finger paintings, pictures of bewbs, and other assorted creative stuffs, and we will happily display it in a place of prominence, here, on the internet s refrigerator door of justice. moo@somacow.com! Music: The Saints - Je Fuckin T aime Bad Astronaut - Auto Care Hey, about that Free iPod! Make sure you check the top o the page for the linkity link!