Rejections are Retarded

start dating, if you can call it that, well really start talking to guys again and explore the possibility of going out on dates. I have talked to a few people and come across someone that I really liked. He was an odd fellow but he was really smart, cute, had a great voice, a great smile, and we shared some common interest and experiences. We started off by meeting on a popular “meet guys” website and started chatting. I have to say I was impressed with this guy. And it had been a long time since I had feelings like this. It was almost like I was 19 years old again and falling in love for the first time, getting that first kiss, and making love for the second time (as you know the first time is like trial and error, mainly error LOL). All of these emotions erupted in me again. The sensation was wonderful. It took my head for a loop. My heart always skips a beat whenever his chat screen would pop up and say “hey”. I was starting to fall head over feet for the guy. And this was just by talking to him in a chat and on the phone, not face to face yet. I thought it was beautiful that I was getting to know a person before we met so I could first get to know the personality before the look. And it was coming true; I was falling for the personality. And it was fracken awesome. And he seemed to like me. Then it happens.

One day actually on my birthday, my car broke down and I was stranded at my apartment. The great thing about having friends is that they all came and helped make my birthday one of the best birthdays I have ever had. Then I get a call. It was he. I told him what had happen and then he asked could he come down. And I said “yes”.

I was so nervous and begin to panic. My friend and I cleaned the apartment, light the candles and set the mood for a really great encounter. Then he showed up. I liked him. He was funny and playful and very shy. We talked all night.

It was what had followed that was the key of this rejection episode. He coined the phrase, “I’m not looking for a relationship and I don’t think I ready for one yet”. This was sent to me via iChat. It was like he was standing in front of me and telling me this isn’t working out. And we weren’t dating, yet. I was just hoping we would start this great love affair. I had this expectation that we were made for each other. And then this happened, this phrases that ended this line of thought. This hurt at first, but for some odd reason I thought, maybe not yet but in the future. Not the case. Really he was trying not to hurt my feelings and that doesn’t make him into a bad person. Actually it was quite sweet. I had to come to terms that he wasn’t into me and move on. I even tried to be friends with him but my feeling got the better of me. So it was best for me to separate myself from him and move on.

I wanted to figure out why I let my heart get broken and why am I so stupid in believing he was just into me as I was into him. The first mistake was I had an expectation. I went in thinking, believing we were made for each other based on just personality alone and he would feel the same. And he didn’t. Still doesn’t make him a bad person. Just makes him different then me.
So rejection is horrible, awful, distasteful, and heart breaking. But the key thing is that it only last for a little while. Figure out what you want, what went wrong and what is the best thing about you. Most important have no expectation going into a relationship, get to know the person and just see if that person is someone you “like”. Then after that point, like will magically turn into love. And all is right in the world.

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